Magic

Ahh, Christmas. The gifts, the snow, the people, the egg nog, the music, the waiting up Christmas Eve...It's a pretty magical time of year.

When I was a young lass (imagine me as a grumpy old man reminiscing about the good ol' days) the magic of Christmas used to start in early December, maybe even late November, and lasted up till I finished opening my presents and getting dressed in the new clothes I would inevitably get. I practically peed my pants with excitement and anticipation about what sorts of presents I would get. The magic of Christmas existed simply because it was the Christmas season. I didn't need anything else to be excited about.

But the older I got, the less excitement this season held for me. It's kind of hard to be excited that it's Christmas Eve when you're busy researching Hitler's generals for a huge paper you have to write. So I realized something this year: the magic of Christmas is totally in the people! For me at least. Maybe you get excited just seeing a Christmas tree, or eating a candy cane, but for me, what makes this season so great is that I get to spend it with friends and family. So if I've spent time with you this December, you should feel pretty special, because it means you're magical! You made my Christmas awesome! Thanks all y'all.

Oh, and just because I'm super excited...I GOT A GUITAR! And it's beautiful! And I love it! Any suggestions for songs to learn?

Blech

So on Friday my throat started feeling a little iffy, but nothing too bad. By Sunday my voice was a bit scratchy and dry, then bam! Yesterday I woke up and could barely talk. It got better after lots of water and a good hot shower, and then got kind of angry at me again last night. And this morning it's even worse. Nothing is helping. This stupid inversion especially is not helping. If it would just snow already and clear the air, I would get a white Christmas (which I've been dreaming of, y'know...), and it would also make this darn cold go away. But somehow I don't think that's going to happen.

Also, is it a bad idea to go to the dentist when you have a horrible cold? I don't know whether it is or not, but I've had this appointment for forever, so I'm going no matter what. Woohoo. Just what I need to make this day better.

The bright side is, at least I finished up with chorale season before getting sick! Yes, it's true, I have sung my last (Christmas) song as a member of chorale. Over thirty performances in just over two weeks, people! That's a lot of singing! But it was pretty rad.

Anyways, my apologies for the slightly whiny post. I promise the next one will be sufficiently chipper. In the meantime, what are good ways to kick colds?

Happy Christmas

'Tis the season to have at least two chorale performances every day. Today there are four! And it's pretty great. We just started performances on Friday, and already it seems like there have been so many of them. Probably because there have been. Some of the highlights so far...

• Arriving at a performance half an hour early
  
• Getting lost on the way to a performance, and arriving late
• Singing at my grandparent's ward Christmas party, and getting to introduce all my friends to them
• Recognizing some of the people at various old folk's homes from last year
• Changing seven times in one day (pajamas to normal clothes, normal clothes to a'capella dress, a'capella dress to chorale dress, chorale dress to gym shorts, gym shorts to chorale dress, chorale dress to a'capella dress, and a'capella dress to pajamas)
• Having various items of clothing (belonging to me) spread out between two cars, the seminary building, and my person
• Changing from one floor length dress to another in the back seat of a car, with lots of people milling about the car (that was an adventure)
• Seeing the sweet, toothless little old lady on the front row crying as we sing, because she loved it so much
• Dancing with a sassy kindergartener
• Having my pearl necklace break the first time I wear it! Grr. But it hasn't broken for quite a while now!
• Skipping around parking garages
• Dancing in the aisles of Whole Foods Market
• "A few fond embraces." That's a line from one of our songs, and also an excuse to creepily hug people
• Seeing a'capella's drastic improvement between their performance in the middle of the day and their performance at night today
  
• Bacon...if you know what I mean...which you don't, but I think it's funny
  

And so far it's just been four days of performances! I'm quite looking forward to the rest of them. It'll be a partay. Not just a party; we're so cool we get an extra vowel!

Thanksgiving

Remember back in the day, when Thanksgiving was such a big deal? Like in elementary school, when for weeks beforehand we would learn about Squanto and the pilgrims, and then the day before the break the class moms would throw a party, with turkey shaped sugar cookies, and we would make our own butter by throwing around a bottle with cream in it? Nowadays, the reason I most look forward to Thanksgiving is for a break from school. But still! No school is definitely something that I'm grateful for! So anyways, even though it's a bit late, I thought I would make a list of things that I'm grateful for.

• My family, who forgive me even when I trip over plants, killing them, and also getting mud on the rug
• Friends! They are thee best
• Food (so far all of these start with "f")
• Chapstick
• Sunsets
• Hugs!
• The smells of vanilla, citrus-y stuff, and rain
• The LDS church
• Modern technology
• Music! It is so fantastic
• College apps that are easy and I can do quickly
• No school!
• The invention of the exclamation mark
• Temples
• Colors
• Stars
• My cell phone
• The ability to change
• Cute shoes
• Wishes
• My imagination
• Baked goods
• Nail polish
• Snow. Especially the kind where it snows overnight, and you wake up the next morning to a sparkling winter wonderland. I want it to do that sometime soon.
  
• Lotion that smells good

There are definitely more, but that's all for now. Oh, and one final one! People who read my blog! You guys are the greatest :)

Thespians Who Thespiate

It takes a special kind of person to do musicals and plays, especially at my high school. There are lots of people who do just one, and then realize they are not that sort of person, and never do another one. But if you do multiple? You are probably a theater person, which probably also means you're at least a little bit crazy.

For one thing, the theater teacher is INSANE! He goes on and on about how you need to send out positive energy, but once the show starts coming closer and closer, he gets crankier and crankier till he ends up shouting at the top of his lungs at everyone for just about everything. Also, the shows that he chooses to do are a little ridiculous. It's like he chooses every other year to be something that has no plot. These are the musicals he's done in the past 4 years: Footloose (good), The Melody Lingers On, a collection of songs by Irving Berlin (what? Where did this come from? There's no plot whatsoever!), The Unsinkable Molly Brown (good), and Schoolhouse Rock Live (not School OF Rock. School HOUSE Rock. Y'know, Conjunction Junction, I'm Just a Bill...That one.)

Also, besides having to deal with crazy teachers and plotless shows, there's the fact that it completely consumes your life. Rehearsals for the actors start pretty soon after auditions, and they have them pretty consistently up till the time of the show, and the week before the show, they have to stay till 10 PM. Builds for the techies start a few weeks after rehearsals do, but this means that pretty much right from the get-go they need to stay there till 8 or 9, and then they also need to stay till 10 in opening week. It's pretty awful.

Basically, the point is, theater people are a little bit insane. They're insane enough in the first place to do it, and then it makes them even more insane. But it just works for some people. And several of my friends are theater people, and I kind of am, too. For some reason, it's just the kind of environment that I love. Doing both tech and acting.

My parents wouldn't let me actually do this musical, because they said it would be way too hard on my grades (probably true), but that was a little bit heartbreaking for me. Especially because this is my senior year, and my last chance for doing a musical! So instead I just helped out with tech all the time. I was there more than some of the actual techies, and ended up actually feeling like I was helpful. My name wasn't on the program or anything, but for all practical purposes, I was on tech. So at least I was able to do something for my last musical. But apparently I just give off the vibe of being a crazy theater person or something, because so very many people this last week asked me, "Kristina, how's the musical coming?" or, "How was opening night?" And I had to tell them all, "I assume it went pretty well. You'd have to ask someone actually in it, though..." And then they were all surprised that I wasn't in it.

What was the most awkward, though, was this Monday, at strike. That's when everybody takes the set apart, and cleans up the stage and stuff. So I was there, taking things apart, when the teacher came over, and just stood there watching me. I felt like my work was being judged, and that he would think, "Wow, this girl is horrible. Doesn't she even know how to use a drill?" Yes! I do! Stop watching me! But instead he ended up helping me, by which I mean he braced, even though I didn't need a brace, and kept telling me how to do stuff like use a drill. Then, once everything was taken apart and put away, and the stage nice and cleaned, everybody got posters and programs and such, and started signing them. But I felt like I shouldn't do that, because everybody would think, "But she didn't actually do this. Why is she here? She's so pathetic," so instead I awkwardly sat on the edge of the stage, while everyone else was having a great time signing, waiting for the guy driving me home to be done. And every once in a while somebody would ask me to sign theirs, so I did, but didn't have anything for them to sign in return. Because I would have felt like the actors would think, "Look at her, thinking she's so cool, when in reality she's just some pathetic wannabe." The techies actually liked me, but they're definitely outnumbered by actors. So as I was awkwardly hanging out on the edge of the group, the teacher came over to me again and said, "Well I'm glad you were able to do it as much as you did." And then I felt judged again, because his tone of voice was kinda...judge-y.

Anyways, it's over now. My last musical. At least I still have the spring play to look forward to! And I'm hoping and wishing and praying and crossing my fingers that my parents will let me do that.

Angry Socialist Hipsters

So the Occupy Salt Lake movement...they're mostly hipsters. And they also call themselves the 99%. Do you realize what this means? They're admitting that they're mainstream, and practically everyone else is like them! Also, they're doing it after it was cool, because the people in Wall Street did it first. Does anyone else see the irony in this? Because I think it's hilarious!

Also, they're camped out in Pioneer Park, which has a long and glorious tradition of hobo-ism (I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it, sorry). But really, it's true. And a while ago, the 99%, despite the fact that they've already got a 30 day permit for being there, thought about moving somewhere else, because they didn't want to be at the hobo park. They're there so they can protest the 1%, who are too rich, and too snooty, and too good for everyone else. But of course, while they're protesting, they want to make it clear that they are not hobos, because they're not that poor. Just because most of them have no jobs or health care right now, and are living in tents in a park, doesn't mean they're hobos! They're better than that! So they can go campaign for equality, away from those dirty hobos. Although in the end, they did end up staying there.

These politically minded hipsters also have done a couple flash mobs. They'll be at a nice public area, like Gateway or Trax, interspersed through the crowd, and then at a set time they all start meditating. After the given time for meditating is up, they offer free hugs to passers-by. As opposed to what? A hug you need to pay for? The term "free hug" is redundant! The only hug you would ever need to pay for is one from a prostitute, and in that case you're getting a lot more than a hug. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE hugs, but I just think that calling them "free" is completely unnecessary. A more correct term for what they're doing would be, "Offering hugs to random strangers, who may choose to accept or decline as they so desire." But that's never going to catch on, because it doesn't have quite the same ring as "free hug." But until it does, I will be busy going around to ATM machines, and memorizing my personalized PIN number.

Reflections

So, I'm starting my week of vegetarianism today. I was going to start yesterday, but I forgot about it, and ate a taco during my free period. When I announced to my mother today that I'm doing this, she got mad at me, and said, "I'm not going to pander to you. You can eat what we're eating, and it's your own fault if you won't." She won't even let me scramble some eggs or something to eat during dinner. What a great week I'm in for...But I am determined!

Speaking of things that actually aren't that great...my laptop is going downhill. I'm pretty sure one of these days I'll turn it on, and it'll take 45 minutes before anything shows up on the screen, and then it'll just go crazy and explode, starting a fire that will burn our house down. OK, maybe not that extreme, but close! It doesn't work anymore!

However, I feel like I should end on a high note, so...I went and got ice cream with friends today after school! Not like fancy ice cream. We went to Smith's and just got a gallon of it, with ice cream cones. It was great. Did you know that Smith's has a lounge? They do. It's the best ever. Smith's is kinda my favorite place in the world.

Another high note is that the term ended last week! So I don't need to constantly stress out about tests now! That's good!

Vegetarian

It seems like a whole bunch of people do that thing where they go vegetarian for a week or month or whatever. Or their whole life, but we're going to ignore them right now. So anyways, I think I'm going to try that eventually, and see if I can make it a week without any meat. Just for kicks and giggles, y'know. But the problem is, every time I decide to do that, and make it two days or something, my mama makes something really delicious, and then I just have to eat it! I like food way too much for my own good.

So anyways, starting sometime soon-ish (ha, that's what I say about everything. I'm such a procrastinator), I really am going to do that. It depends on what we're having for dinner this week, though...

But I'll feel so accomplished if I really can go a week without any meat! And I really don't eat that much of it anyways, so it probably shouldn't be hard. I'll just live off of chips and salsa, which is what I practically do already, so it's all good!

But really, I'll post it on here when I start my week of vegetarian-ism, and then you guys have to hold me to it.

Homecoming

If you know anything about my life, you know that I tried out for Homecoming Queen (because I get extra credit for one of my classes). Well, I performed yesterday, and here are a few of my reactions:

Wow, those techies are woefully incompetent (can you say, running across the stage while people are performing, and talking very loudly backstage? I can. And those techies did a remarkable job of actually doing those things.)
Also, the mic made it so I sounded way better on the high notes than I do in real life! It's great!
I needed a tiara for my act, and then kept it on after, and I guess I'm just a natural at being a princess or something, because it felt so natural.
It is positively nerve-wracking to go first.

I didn't make it to the semi-finals, but that's perfectly OK with me. I feel like I really did do a pretty good job on the talent, but that I probably lost points on the interview. I said my grandpa's my hero because he's always going and doing stuff, like installing lights. Installing lights? Really? (It sounds like a bad joke. " How many old men does it take to screw in a light bulb?" "My grandpa's so talented he can do it all by himself!") I also forgot the word "scenery" when I was trying to explain why I want to visit Australia. Haha, oops.

However, as it turns out, it's probably a good thing I didn't progress to the semi-finals. Some of my friends did, and they had their interviews this morning. You know what ones of them was asked? "What's the downfall of modern Europe?" Who asks that for a Homecoming Queen interview?! Here's the exchange between another of my friends and the same interviewer:
Interviewer (I): What do you like best about this school?"
Friend (F): The diversity. I was in China this summer, and everyone there assumed I didn't like Obama just because he's black.
I: So why don't you like Obama?
F: Well I don't like his politics.
I: What would you do to fix the economic crisis?

Yep, that's what's been going on in my life in regards to Homecoming. Oh, I also got asked to it, so now I just need to come up with a good way of answering. Preferably involving bacon...We shall see.

Rejection

Something about Utah: When we ask people to high school dances, we don't do it halfway. None of that wimpy actually straight-up asking them! No, we do crazy, creative, awesome, and very very punny ways of asking.

Finding ways to ask is pretty easy. You just need to go to the grocery store late at night, when everything is funny, and pick random things off the shelves, and something is bound to come to you! Or if you want to go with something a little more coherent, you could always just try googling creative ways to ask people to dances.

But! What do you do when that awkward kid who's been stalking you from not quite afar asks you to the dance?! You can't actually GO with him! Obviously you must reject him. But how?

Well, worry no longer about how to say no. For your viewing pleasure, I present...

5 Creative Ways to Crush a Guy's Heart, Because You're Rejecting Him
1. Leave a plate of nachos on his doorstep, with a sign that says, "I'm NACHO date."
2. Give him a football, and say, "I think I'll pass on this one."
3. Leave a chair on his doorstep, with a poster that says, "I'm going to sit this one out."
4. Type up a little piece of paper that says, "Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't want to go to the dance with you," and stick it inside a balloon to give to him.
5. Give him a basket of bananas with a little sign that says, "I'd have to be bananas to go with you! No! Gross!"

As you can see, there are varying levels of sensitivity. Only for people you really despise should you use number 5. Well, if you're just a sadistic jerk, feel free to use it all you want, actually. Or I guess if you wanted to be a little nicer you could give him an umbrella and say, "Can I take a rain check on this one?"

Ladies, armed with this list, you will never have to be flustered and answer with, "Uh, I'm not going. Because...I'm anti-social!"

Library Adventures

The other day after school I decided to swing by the library on my way home from school to pick up some books. I took Trax to get to the library, and it all went splendidly. I got the book I needed, and then was waiting outside the library, because my mom was going to pick me up on her way home from running some errands. As I was waiting, an old-ish, mostly toothless guy on an old beat-up bike came up to me and asked if I went to the university. No... "Oh, so you're out looking for work?" No... "You're in high school?! I never would have guessed! You look much older!" Oh... Then he said, "You know how sometimes you want to talk with someone, but need an opener for the conversation? That was my opener."

He then proceeded to have me read one of those trick things that say ,"How many F's are there in this sentence?" and it looks like only 3, but there are a whole bunch of "of's" in it, so there are more. I answered correctly, which led him to believe I'm an introvert, so he made me read a paragraph about introversion. I told him that actually, that paragraph didn't sound much like me at all, so he made me read a paragraph about extroversion. He asked if that sounded more like me, and I told him it did, so he gave me a bunch more handouts. The he told me, "You looked a little wary when I first approached you, but don't worry, it's the middle of the day, and there are lots of people around, so nothing bad is going to happen." Thankfully, that was when my mother called and said she was almost there, so be ready.

And that, my friends, is the story of how I got accosted by a hobo at the library. 'Twas quite the experience.

Lithping

Today in a'capella I decided to sing everything with a lisp. And also say everything with a lisp. And it was so much fun!

My favorite was when the teacher told us to pull out a song called Witness, (which has a ridiculous amount of s's in it). I didn't hear her telling us to pull it out, though. So, one of my friends, who was also lisping, leaned over and said, "Are you exthited to thing Witneth?"
"What?"
"Are you exthited to thing Witneth?"
"I am thinging with a lithp!"
"Not with a lithp. Witneth!"
"I AM thinging with a lithp!"
"No, Witneth!"
"I AM thinging with a lithp! What are you talking about?"
"Witneth!"

After about 5 minutes of this, I finally got it. Meanwhile, one of my other friends was laughing so hard at us that she was crying. It was great!

FYI, saying "unacceptable," with a lisp is kind of the best thing ever. Really. Try it. Not just in your head. Say it out loud. Wasn't that fun?

Life To-Do List

It's like a bucket list, but sounds more positive. 'Cause it's about life! And living! As opposed to kicking the bucket.

Anyways, I'm coming up with a life to-do list for me. Hopefully it'll have 100 items, or 101, or something like that. But so far I'm only to 90! And as it goes on, the items get progressively less impressive. They go from things like traveling the world, swimming with dolphins, and riding in a hot-air balloon, to things like learning to do a cartwheel, paying for something entirely in pennies, and dancing on a table. But still, they are all things I want to do!

So I beseech you, dear readers, for ideas for this list of mine. They can be awesome and impressive, or not-so-impressive but still awesome. But I'm running dry, and I still need 10 more things!

P.S. Sorry for the lame post. Mostly I just felt like I should post something, and this was the only thing I could think of.

Random Thoughts

Multiple things today.

First off: School. Yeah, that started today. Woohoo. (Note the obvious enthusiasm at this prospect...) By now, I honestly just don't care anymore. One good thing was, I was really glad that my schedule all worked out perfectly, because the large majority of my classes are only offered during one period, and they all worked out, no problems. That is, until I went to my math class today, and the teacher kicked me out, saying I had to be cleared for it. The line for the counseling office was halfway down the hall, so I had to go wait in that, only to have some random lady tell me that I can't be cleared at all, and would just have to change math classes. I was looking at when math classes were being offered, and big surprise, none of them fit in with my schedule. Argh! The only ones during times that I could do were either too hard (think concurrent) or stuff I've taken years ago. I was getting horribly frustrated, till my counselor showed up, and said she'd work things out for me. Yay good counselors! So I'm still waiting to hear how that turns out.

But my other classes are good! A days are awful, with all IB classes, but then B days are totally slacker days, so it's great.

Basically, I'm hoping the rest of school ends up being better than the first day.

Second off: Remember how I was so concerned about turning into a hipster? Well, it's official. I have a list of songs that I want to buy, and there are now 3 songs by The Decembrists on that list. You may say, "Only 3 songs, whatever." But that's more than any other artist! And I have a lot of other Indie/hipster music on there, too...Of course, I think all the musicals and Disney kinda cancel it out (songs from Disney movies, NOT Disney Channel.) In other words, I'm turning into a hipster! Except, y'know, I don't really like those cookie-cutter labels. Can't we just realize that everyone is a unique individual? Ahaha, look at me being ironic. I should make a t-shirt about it!

Finally: To end it all off, I'll leave you with a quote that has to do with both school and hipsters.
"My summer was really...what's that word teenagers use for cool? Chill? Yeah, my summer was really chillaxed! I'm woring on my hip-ness." That was my history teacher, so that's the school connection there.

Summer

Well, summer's almost gone. Eight blog posts after I wrote about how weird it was that I'm a senior, I'm now thinking about how weird it is that summer is almost over, and soon I'll be back in school. My carefree summer days are nearly over!

No more waking up at 10:30 after staying up till 2:30 the night before. No more being able to wear gym shorts whenever I feel like it. No more being able to decide my own schedule each day. Sigh.

Things I Have Done This Summer That Were Awesome

• Jumped into a pool with all my clothes on
• Went to Yellowstone
• Read several good books
• Watched the sun rise in a beautiful, secluded spot in the mountains
• Learned to French braid hair
• Hung out with friends all the time
• Got much better at cartwheels (Before this summer, I wasn't able to do one at all. Now I can almost do a good one!)

Things That Weren't So Awesome About This Summer

• One of my friends moved across the country
• I never did learn how to ride a bike
• I had to work on online classes
• One of my friends and I have been planning a great bus-riding adventure for months, but we never got around to it
• It's nearly over!

I guess I'll just have to cram as much awesome-ness into these last couple days as possible!

Roughing It

As you may or may not know, last week I went on an overnight hike. Yep, I'm that hardcore. Anyways, here is the story of this experience. I shall leave it up to you to decide what is fictional and what is not. (Brownie points if you get that reference).

First, we had to pack our huge frame backpacks with sleeping bags, tents, food, water, clothes, camp stoves, etc. All in all, each weighed approximately 76.3 pounds when we were done. After packing, we embarked on our journey at about 3:30 in the afternoon. If only we had known then what a long, arduous, grueling ordeal it would turn out to be... *cue ominous music*

It all started out well; we had bright, smiling faces. We thought, "We're only going 2 miles! How bad could it be?" Our smiles faltered as we trekked up the steepest hill I have ever encountered, battling huge plants falling across the trail, mosquitoes, and stinging nettle. However, things weren't that bad...till we came across the bear. It had just come out of hibernation, and therefore was very hungry, angry, and mean. I believe my mind is suppressing the horrible memory of battling it, because all I remember is stumbling away from it, with a pounding headache, missing a tent from one of our backpacks, and also my left shoe. Luckily, none of our number were badly hurt by it.

We hiked on. Soon the change in altitude was so great that we had to fend our way through a blizzard. My left foot, missing its shoe, didn't fare very well. But don't worry, the doctors say that they'll have a prosthetic foot for me soon, and at least this one won't be susceptible to frostbite.

We finally reached our campsite at 9:30 PM. At first we were disheartened by our bad time, till we remembered all the trials we had gone through on our way. Considering all our adventures on the way, we realized we had actually made quite good time. We were all exhausted, so we set up camp. Since we had lost one of our tents to the bear, we ended up having to cram 5 girls into a 3 man tent. Personally, though, I slept great! But nobody else did. There was some crazy person in the tent who was the worst sleeper ever! They kicked people in the face, and rolled over onto people, and stole people's pillows. Luckily, they didn't affect me at all. I wonder who it could be...

We returned the next morning, wiser and more exhausted campers than we were before.

And that, friends, is the story of my overnight hike.

*some information may be terribly exaggerated and/or entirely false.

I am Hipster

Today I felt like a hipster. Why, you may ask? Well, I shall answer. I was wearing my lovely red, retro sunglasses. With a henna tattoo on my hand. And lots of friendship bracelets on my arm. As I was working on another friendship bracelet. As I was watching a bike race. The only thing I needed was to be listening to The Decembrists or Sufjan Stevens or something. Nooooo!!! I've turned into a hipster! My only consolation is that I'm doing it after it was cool.

Harry Potter

I've decided to read the whole Harry Potter series again. And it's filling me with so many memories! As I read the first one, I kept thinking of my very first memory of Harry Potter. I must have been really little, and I was sitting on the floor as all my siblings and parents were talking about this brand new book-Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. They all said it was great. It was on the floor next me, though, and I didn't think it looked all that wonderful. Then I saw the movie in theaters, and decided it actually was amazing, and went home and read the book.

When the 4th book came out, I wasn't allowed to read it. My mom said it was too violent for my young mind, and I had to wait till I was at least...8? 10? 12? One of those. It made me bitter and jaded, especially when as soon as I was done reading it (once I was old enough, of course), my little sister read it right after me. Without having to wait years and years!

The next memory that sticks out in my mind is when the 6th Harry Potter book came out. I was still in primary (holy cow! I was so young!), and I remember talking about it with one of the guys in my class. I hadn't had the chance to read it yet, because it had to trickle down past all my older siblings first. Then this guy told me, "Well, Dumbledore dies." Nooooooo!!! I had to hold on to the hope that he was just making this up to bother me, and that he wasn't actually giving me spoilers. But alas...

When the 5th movie came out, I went to go see it with John. It was the 1st PG-13 movie I ever saw in theaters, because I had just barely turned 13.

Basically, Harry Potter is a part of my childhood! And now all the books are done, all the movies are done, there's nothing else to look forward to. Wow, that's depressing

My Week of High Adventure

This last week was one of high adventure. Monday was my birthday, so I spent the morning wearing a tiara. And also packing. For a trip to Yellowstone! Then we spent the rest of the day in the car, driving there. We rented a cabin in Island Park, and then every morning we drove to Yellowstone and spent the day there. It was absolutely beautiful! Things I saw there include: beautiful landscapes, geysers, waterfalls, moose (or, in the plural form, meece), deer, antelope, bison, elk, and also polygamists! The first day we were there, it was raining like crazy, so we all got soaked. The next day was lovely weather, but it did start raining when we were in the Old Faithful visitor's center, so we were strongly cautioned against going outside, because of lightning. So, we had half an hour to kill in the visitor's center. I decided to pretend I was an exchange student from Ireland, and was determined to only speak in my Irish accent. Unfortunately, when I stepped on a piece of gum so sticky it ripped my shoe off my foot, cementing it to the floor, I was too distressed to keep up the accent.

On Thursday, we packed up our stuff and cleaned the cabin, then went on our merry way to a family reunion in Wyoming. It was so much fun! We went repelling, and that was awesome. I was slightly worried, because they ran out of real harnesses, so mine was actually two pieces of rope tied together, and then tied around me into a harness. It worked, though! And then I didn't even die when I went over the huge overhang about 100 feet up! After this, we had a parkour competition. Not pro parkour, where you jump off a building then scale a 10 foot wall. This was redneck parkour, where you jump over a lawn mower, then roll under an electric fence. And the whole time, we were blasting music like Eye of the Tiger and Mission Impossible. Because we're just that cool. The next day we did team building activities, with stuff like human knot and food relay races. For the food relay race, I ended up with those horrible cheese peanut butter crackers, that I HATE (no food should be that color), and I ended up with 6 of them in my mouth at once. I was pretty sure I was going to die. But I didn't! We also just hung out, and had a good time in general.

We drove back from the reunion on Monday, ending my week of high adventure. It was so much fun!

Thrilling Thursdays

You have no idea how long it took me to come up with something alliterative for my Thursdays. "Awesome Thursdays? Eventful Thursdays? Those just don't sound as good as something that starts with a Th!"

Anyways.

This summer, I've done something awesomely awesome every Thursday so far. OK, maybe not so awesomely awesome, but at least I've done something other than waste my life away doing absolutely nothing. So far this summer (on Thursdays) I have sung at graduation, gone to the temple (I'm pretty sure that happened on a Thursday), driven home from Wyoming, and been on a date.

So, because Thursday is tomorrow, any ideas on what I should do for it?

The Perils of Parks

Today I was being carefree and partying with friends at at a park. And nobody really needs shoes at parks, right? That was what I thought. So I left my shoes by the swing set, while my friends and I were sitting in the grass a ways away, eating ice cream. After a while of this, I was given the task of tracking down one of our friends who had wandered away. I decided that in my search for him, I could also go get my shoes, because those might be good to have. I was walking back to the swing set, when all of a sudden I stepped on something that hurt like crazy! I fell to the ground saying, "ow, ow, ow, make it stop, ow, ow." There was something on the bottom of my foot that I pulled off, but it left a little tiny thing stuck in my foot, that I couldn't pull out. I hopped on my other foot to go get my shoes, then hopped back to where the rest of my friends were. By this time, it was bright red around where the thing went in, and kind of swollen, and the red area was getting bigger. We decided that the friend I was in search of could wander back to us on his own (he did eventually).

I'm pretty sure I either stepped on a bee, or a poisonous plant that's going to make my foot turn mottled green and black and fall off. Let's hope it was a bee.

My foot was progressively looking worse and worse, so my two of my friends did the fireman's hold and carried me down the hill to the playground, where I sat on the spinny thing while they looked in their cars for first aid kits. They were able to find one, but it had no tweezers, so I couldn't pull the thingy out. We decided I could at least clean it, but the anti-septic wipes were dried out. So was the tube of anti-septic cream. The first aid kit was from 1989.

I live pretty close to the park we were at, so it was decided that one of them would drive me home, I could remove the thing stuck in my foot, and then we could go back and party. But when we got back my mom said, "Agh! Now you need a tetanus shot! I don't know what you stepped on, but it's a puncture wound! Your last tetanus shot was in 1999!" So my friend who drove me home went back to the park and proceeded to have a marvelous time with everyone, while I was stuck at home being lectured on how I should know better than to go barefoot. But my mom found my immunization records, and it turns out I've been immunized since 1999, so at least I didn't need to go get a tetanus shot.

Good news: I never took out whatever it was that got stuck in my foot, but it's stopped hurting, and the redness and swelling is going down!

And that's my adventure for the day.

Wyoming

So I was in Wyoming and stuff this week. Not in dusty, dry, awful Wyoming. No, I was in beautiful, lush, Teton Valley Wyoming. I was visiting my grandma up there, and also my cousins who live right next to her.

One thing that I LOVED about it was the weather. It was sunny and wonderful, but not too hot. Also, I have mild allergies, but up there I didn't have any at all. I also loved spending time with my cousins, who are awesome. I'm pretty sure they're all my favorite people in the world. I helped with their chores, and got the real farm experience: sheep snot all over me, straw and mud stuck all over my shoes, and the dog licking my face right after eating a decomposing ram's skull. Yum. Speaking of dogs...they got 2 new puppies, and they're the cutest things in the world!

I saw Oklahoma for the first time ever. I found out my feet are just barely bigger than my 11 year old cousin's. I learned how to French braid hair (or as I put it, I learned how to braid French hair. I think I'm dyslexic). I tried to learn how to ride a bike, because I'm a pathetic loser who didn't learn when she was 5. I didn't learn when I was 16 either...But I tried! And I'm determined that by the end of summer, I WILL be able to ride a bike!

Basically, it was way great, and I had a good time, but it's probably good I came home when I did, or I would have died from an accumulation of all the small things that happened to me. I've got ten million mosquito bites (give or take 9999988), some of which got super swollen. Like, a couple inches in diameter. I'm covered in bruises, scrapes, scabs, and rug burns. And to top it all off, I'm incredibly sore all over. Especially my neck. But it was fun!

Spiders

Spiders. They're really not all that bad, and I honestly don't mind them that much most of the time.

The exception is when they're either in my room, or moving fast towards my room. Because for some odd reason, I dislike having lots of spiders lurking in the piles of stuff in my room. Crazy, right? (sarcasm hand is raised.) So when I find a spider in my room, I feel obligated to kill it. If I find one anywhere else in the house, I just leave them, because they just don't worry me.

When they're in my room is when we see my problem. I can't kill them. I can not. I can't even vacuum them up. It's far too stressful! Squishing them is almost impossible for me to do, and vacuuming them up isn't much better. Usually I hover over it for a couple minutes, trying to gather up the courage to kill it, and also trying to not hyperventilate, before I finally bite the bullet and kill it. It also usually involves quite a bit of "Aaaahhhhh!!! Aaaahhhh!!! I can't! Aaaahhh!"

Wow, I'm just really wimpy about killing bugs in general. I can't kill snails either. I dislike snails a bit more than spiders, but really, I don't care terribly much about their existence. Until I have to squish them. *shudder*

School and Stuff

Guess what, guys? I'm a senior now. My junior year ended yesterday.

I'm actually kind of terrified. Because this means I'll spend the next year of my life applying to colleges, hopefully getting accepted to quite a few but undoubtedly being rejected from some, trying to get scholarships, hopefully having a job, trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life, balancing out school-work and having a life, and trying to make the very best of my last year of high school ever.

I think it'll be awesome, don't get me wrong, but how the heck am I a senior already? Cheesy and cliche though it sounds, it seems so recently that I was a wee freshman, getting lost, showing up half an hour late to seminary one day because I could not find the building! (Turns out I was on the wrong side of the school; I was wondering how on earth I could lose an entire building.)

But seriously, me? A senior? What is this madness?

One really sad thing about the end of this year is all my senior friends are graduating. They're all going off to their respective colleges and lives, and who knows when I'll see them again. I'm so proud of them for graduating, and think they're all amazing, amazing people who I'm so glad to have known, but I'm gonna miss them like crazy. So I guess it's bittersweet.

When You Wish Upon a Star

A little bit of background. I make wishes on EVERYTHING that you can wish on. I just like to make wishes. And so when I see the clock is at 11:10, I always think, "I need to wait for just one minute so I can make a wish at 11:11!" But a lot of the time, I get distracted somehow, and when I look back at the clock it's 11:12. Then I have to run into my room to see if the clock there is still showing 11:11, because it's a little bit slower than the rest of the clocks in the house. If it's not, I'm just sad.

Even though I seem to always miss 11:11 no matter how hard I try, I always look at the clock just when it's 12:12. This happens so frequently that I decided it should have its own cool thing to do. You make a wish in your head at 11:11, so I decided that at 12:12, you should say out loud something you don't want to happen. That way I feel better abut missing 11:11.

In fact, I'd completely forgotten that I made this decision till today when one of my friends looked at his watch and said, "It's 12:12. Say something that you don't want to happen," and I said, "What's that from?" "You." Right. Now I remember when I made that up! I believe it was at a farmer's market in California (yeah, I'm cool.)

Random fact: Right after I make a wish, I always think, "please please please and thank you if it happens!"

Mmm...The Sequel

My plan of telling everyone ever to bring me cookies/brownies/some other delicious baked good is working!

Yesterday some of my friends brought by a plate of brownies with an awesome note. Apparently they dropped it off on our porch, then ninja rolled behind their car so we wouldn't see them when we came to the door. But nobody came...and they were waiting...and nobody was answering the door...So they called out house to see if anyone was home. Nope. So they just left it there, assuming I'd find it when I got back from wherever I was (hanging out with family, if you really wanted to know.)

Little did they know, we use the front door very rarely. So, it sat there all afternoon (luckily, it was covered with tinfoil, so they didn't dry up or get swarmed by bugs or anything.)

Finally, at about 11:30 PM, my aunt and uncle showed up at our house to spend the night before going to the airport. All the rest of my family were in bed, so when they came, it was up to me to let them in. Let them in I did, and the first thing they said to me was, "This was on your porch." A plate of some sort of baked good, covered with tinfoil, with a note with my name on it. And under the tinfoil? Delicious, gooey brownies.

And this is why it pays to leave random notes on your friend's windshield. Especially if you follow it up with a long facebook conversation. Especially if you practically demand brownies in both the note and the facebook conversation.

Mmm...Cookies...

So the other day (Monday, I believe) I was walking home with one of my friends (let's call him...Mr X) after school, but instead of going straight home, we decided to walk to Trax first with some of our other friends. They got on their train, and we decided we had better walk back. Between the Trax station and the sidewalk, there's this little tiny road that takes like 2 seconds to cross, so we decided we might as well just jaywalk, because waiting for the light takes so dang long. I'm about to step out into the road when I think, "Oh, I might want to check to make sure no cars are coming..." Nope, no cars, but the train was. Obviously, because I'm writing this, I didn't jaywalk after all, because stepping out in front of a train sounds like a terrible idea. Anyways, Mr X didn't check the road, and was about to step out into it when I grabbed his arm and yelled, "Wait!" Luckily he did, and I didn't have to watch one of my best friends die a horrible death.

Anyways, after I saved his life, he shook my hand and said, "Wow, thanks, Kristina! I'm genuinely grateful. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" At first I said no, but he said, "No, really, is there anything I can do?" So I said, "Yes! Make me cookies, and drop them off on my porch one day (soon) when I'm not expecting it!" I had to add the "soon," because one of my other friends still owes me cookies from about 2 months ago (for getting me grounded for the first and second times in my entire life. But that's a different story.) Anyways, I was quite looking forward to the idea of homemade cookies, especially if they're hand delivered to my house.

Cut to Thursday night. I had just had the worst day of my life, for no apparent reason; it was just all around awful. I was on facebook, talking to Mr X, when all of a sudden he says, "slug-bug blue PUNCH!" You see, we play the bingo and slug-bug game. The one where you hit each other for slug-bugs and yellow cars. (We also punch each other for purple flowers, but that's just because apparently we're violent children who like to hit things.) Anyways, I wondered why he would be saying that, and came to the conclusion that a blue slug-bug must have just driven by his house.

A couple minutes after this mysterious comment, the doorbell rings. It was about 10 PM, and my mom was sitting there in her pajamas. She basically goes and hides somewhere no one will see her and says, "Who's ringing the doorbell at this time of night?! John, go answer the door, and get rid of them fast." So, my brother answers the door and says, "It's just a plate of cookies..." I go running to the door screaming, "It's for meeeee!!!" Mmm. Mr X made me cookies as per our agreement, and they were still warm, and the chocolate chips were all gooey. And on the side of the plate, there was a little blue toy slug-bug.

And that, my friends, is why it always pays off to save people's lives.

Dear [insert name here]

Dear Weather,
Feel free to keep being sunny and loverly. I guess I might even forgive you for all the rain, because now at least everything is all green. And that's good. I approve of green mountains around my home. Almost as much as I approve of sunshine!
Hasta la Pasta, Kristina

Dear Homework,
Die, please. Better yet, have an epic battle to the death with tests, and end up killing each other! Good plan? Yeah, I think it is, too. You can start this epic battle any time now...
Cordially, Kristina

Dear Ears,
Thanks for not hurting too terribly much when you got stabbed. And now please don't get infected. For the record, I think you look lovely with sparkly earrings. Sparkles are always a good plan. Trust me.
XOXO, Kristina

Dear Pandora,
Not failing would be a good idea. Really. I don't know why, but you suddenly seem to have given up on working correctly. But I believe in you! Don't give up! You have so much to live for! Anytime you need to talk, I'll be here for you. Especially if by "talk" you mean, "play music."
Love, Kristina

Dear Bloggees*,
I hope you appreciate the fact that I've been blogging so much recently. I also hope that all is going well with you, and that you're appreciating the sunshine as much as I am. Oh yeah, and I also hope you don't get hit by a bus. (Some people may call this train of thought morbid, but I call it covering all my bases.)
Sincerely, Kristina

*I'm a blogger, so it follows that you're bloggees.

Awwwww

"Love is the very essence of life. It is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Yet it is not found only at the end of the rainbow. Love is at the beginning also, and from it springs the beauty that arched across the sky on a stormy day. Love is the security for which children weep, the yearning of youth, the adhesive that binds marriage, and the lubricant that prevents devastating friction in the home; it is the peace of old age, the sunlight of hope shining through death. How rich are those who enjoy it in their associations with family, friends, and neighbors! Love, like faith, is a gift of God. It is also the most enduring and most powerful virtue."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

Best quote ever? I'm pretty sure it is. How I love President Hinckley

Evil Bloodsucking Harbingers of DOOM!

Special Agent Yellow Otter to Houston. Come in, Houston. We have a problem here in Utah, over. There are evil bloodsucking monsters, over. They're coming for me! Aaaaiiiiaaauuuggggghhh--

There you have it, folks. Evil bloodsucking harbingers of doom. AKA mosquitoes. SUCH a problem! You may say, "But Kristina, they aren't that bad. Just use mosquito repellant sometimes, and you're good." No! I'm not! It doesn't matter how much mosquito repellant I use, they still find me. And suck my blood and make me itch and give me West Nile Virus.

Conversation between two mosquitoes, Sally and Betty.
Sally: How's it going, Betty? This whole eating for 12 thing is pretty hard, isn't it?
Betty: Yeah, these eggs are awful. But I found this great all-you-can-eat buffet!
Sally: Oh yeah, I think I've heard about it. It's called Kristina or something, right?
Betty: Mm-hmm. Last month it was rated most popular place for mosquitoes to eat in all of Utah.
Sally: Doesn't surprise me. I eat there all the time!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that conversation happens all the time. Stupid bloodsucking females. (That line would have worked so much better if I were a guy who had recently been dumped or something. Oh well. Instead I'll just be bitter against mosquitoes. In case you couldn't tell, I am).

Sorry

Remember that one time I decided to post something every day for a week? And then I didn't? Yeah, sorry about that.

On Thursday, I really did try to post, but it said an error was occurring with Blogger, and I couldn't post anything. And yesterday, I had no time. I had to go to school, and then after school I hung out with people, and didn't get home till about 10:25 at night.

The good news is, I had a great time! We went to a park, and everyone else was playing football, but I was way too tired (and uncoordinated) for that, so instead I sat in a tree playing Boggle on a friend's phone. I like trees. And I like Boggle. It was a good combination. And then we went to somebody's house and randomly hung out there, and his dad made the best homemade pizza ever, and his mom made the best cookies ever. The chocolate chips were all gooey and delicious, and it was great. And then we watched a movie, and then some of the people decided to go to a stake dance, and some of us decided to go to another park, where we had heard there would be night games. So we went to my favorite park in the world and played night games. All in all, it was an awesome day. So no, I can't say I'm sorry for not posting yesterday. I'm sorry for not posting on Thursday, though.

Bad joke for Thursday: What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?
A milk dud. (Alternate answer: an udder failure)

Bad joke for Friday: What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

Bad joke for today: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
She wanted to get chocolate milk.

Dictionary Definitions

Awesome: (AH-sum) adj.
(1) My AP tests are done for this year.
(2) Watching Mulan in class.
(3) The grandma from Mulan.
(4) Hanging out at the library with friends who read children's books aloud to you (complete with voices for the characters).
(5) Pandora (the website, not the box).
(6) Amazing hugs from amazing people.
(7) Playing the piano.
(8) Having a picture of Winnie the Pooh and Tigger on your bedroom door.
(9) Kristina.
(10) Looking on the bright side even when you don't feel like it, and it actually ends up cheering you up.

Yep, these definitions are straight from good ol' Merriam Webster himself.

Bad joke for the day: Knock knock
Who's there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No, silly. Cows don't go who, they go moo.

Antics of a Small Child

I was the coolest little kid ever, you guys. By which I mean, I've got no idea how my family put up with me.

For one thing, I was jealous of my little sister. Not because I thought my parents gave her more attention. Oh no. I was jealous that she had the best sister ever, and I was stuck with someone so mediocre. I thought, "How come I'm so awesome, and I'm stuck with someone not so awesome?" I lived a hard life.

Also, today as I was talking with one of my best friends, we wondered how we didn't know each other when we were little, because we grew up two blocks away from each other. My only memory of her when I was little was walking past her house every week during the summer, and getting all annoyed that there were always chalk drawings on the sidewalk. I mean, obviously, I'm the only one allowed to color with chalk on the sidewalk. What was she thinking?

Another fond childhood memory is going to the zoo and seeing the elephants. One day, an elephant stuck its trunk over the fence, so we all got to touch it. Unfortunately, when I tried to, it moved, so I ended up sticking my whole hand in its huge nostril. Naturally I didn't want elephant boogers all over my hand, so I tried to wipe it off on my mom, hoping she wouldn't notice what I was doing. She did.

There was also that one time (or quite a lot more than one) when I thought it was hilarious to jump on Rachel's back as she was laying on the floor doing homework. I always made sure to land knees first. That's the epitome of fun, right there.

I have this letter my neighbors wrote me when I was little. They say I was so cute when I danced around in my pink swimsuit singing the ABC's. Sounds like there's a story behind this...Either that or it was just an everyday occurrence.

Basically, you're all jealous that you couldn't be as awesome as I was when I was little. Don't try to deny it. You're probably still jealous of how awesome I am. And I'm jealous of you for having such a great person like me in your life.

Bad joke for the day: What's a cow's favorite subject in school?
Cowculus, moosic, and psycowlogy

10 Things About the Lovely Kristina

1. Tan lines. Can't stand 'em. Unfortunately, I get them suuuper easily, because I tan really fast.
2. As long as I'm around, you don't need mosquito repellant. I'll bravely sacrifice myself to protect you!
3. I never ever paint my fingernails, but my toenails are always painted all the time. Always.
4. I hate the sound of styrofoam rubbing against styrofoam. It's ten million times worse than nails on a chalkboard!
5. I can't sleep on moving vehicles.
6. I make wishes all the time, and say thank you every time, just in case it happens.
7. According to my oh so kind little sister, I'm an English major freak just waiting to happen.
8. I got glasses in 2nd grade, but my eyes haven't really gotten significantly worse since then.
9. I sing in the rain, yo!
10. I had come up with something actually clever to blog about today, but completely forgot it.

Now you can all consider yourselves informed on that brilliant, dazzling, amazing girl who writes this blog.

Bad joke for the day: What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake!

Goals and Whatnot

Goal for this week: Post something new every day

Reasons for said goal: I never post anything, and I should do that. After all, I'm so brilliantly smart and funny, and have such fantastic things to share with the world.

What you should expect: I dunno. Something amazing, I guess.

Bad joke for the day: What do you call a cow that's just given birth?
De-calfenated

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

What is it with women and hair? Really it would save a lot of time and trouble if we were hairless creatures, much like those weird cats. (I was going to post a link to a picture of one of those gross sphinx cats that have no hair, but one of the pictures I looked at gave our computer a virus, and I don't want to post that on my blog to infect your computers. So just imagine one. Or look one up yourself)

Let me 'splain my reasoning. Women spend so much time and trouble on their hair. If we didn't have any, we wouldn't need to. First of all, there's shampooing the hair. Then conditioning it. Then blow drying it. Then brushing it. Then straightening/curling it. For some girls, they straighten their curly hair, then re-curl it, to get a different kind of curly. Then styling it. Then spraying ten pounds of hairspray all over it.

And don't even get me started on all the shaving/plucking/waxing.

You guys, I've decided. I'm moving to Memphis (Memphis is a good place to restart your life from) and I'm gonna turn into a sphinx. Consider this your goodbye if you never see me again.

Billboards

So as you know, I went to LA last week on a choir trip. I guess I could tell you all about it, but that seems rather time consuming. Instead, I'll tell you about the billboards there!

Case Study Numba 1:
We sang at an LDS church there on Sunday, and one of the people giving a talk was speaking about how she was from Rexburg, and how much easier it was to feel the spirit there than in LA. She kept talking about all the distracting billboards in California, and how awful they were! We were kind of laughing, and thinking they couldn't be that awful. Then on the bus right after this meeting, we pass this billboard, pictured above. Lovely, isn't it?

Case Study Numba 2:
Again, on the bus. We were driving to another performance at another church, and we see this billboard behind a huge tree. What's the point of having it where no one can see it? Then we realized it was a billboard for a cemetery, and we all wondered, what kind of cemetery puts of billboards for itself? We came to the conclusion it was behind a tree so that people driving by would try and read it, but because it was behind a tree it would be especially hard, so the car would swerve and crash and everyone in it would die, giving more business to the cemetery.

Case Study Numba 3:
Remember the cemetery that put up billboards for itself? Yeah, it put up two other ones, and all three of them were within five minutes of each other. It also had a billboard for some random company right in the middle of it, among the graves. Our opinion of this cemetery was getting lower and lower, especially when we saw what one of the billboards had to say. It had a picture of a happy old couple, and all it said was, "[name of the cemetery] makes it possible for everyone." What is that even supposed to mean?! "Don't worry, even if the rest of your life fails, at least you can die!" That was the conclusion we came to.

Basically, California is a land of evil-ness and fornication and weird cemeteries, and everyone should live in Rexburg instead. But still, I had a great time there. It was hecka fun, yo!

:D

A week from now, while you folk are sitting at home, maybe writing blog posts of your own, guess what I'll be doing? Partying in CALIFORNIA!!! With my awesome friends!!! On the a'capella trip!!!

Did I mention I'm excited? That's 'cause I'm gonna be in California! Touring Hollywood! And going to the beach! And going to Disneyland! And going on our own dinner cruise! And going to a musical! And on the way there/back, I'll be on a bus partying with some of the coolest people in the world! Exclamation point!

This Blog is all Completely Serious

Don't you just love it when people have no clue you're being sarcastic? In my math class today, some people were talking about the song Friday, by Rebecca Black, so I piped up and said, "Rebecca Black is my idol. I want to be just like her." So ridiculous no one would ever believe it, right? Wrong. Half the people in the room turn around and stare at me, shocked. "Um, not really. JK." Do they think I'm an idiot now? Probably. But there's this crazy new thing, called not-saying-exactly-what-you-mean-at-all-times-and-sometimes-even-joking. Gasp! Revolutionary!

Personally, I think it sounds dangerous. If people start joking around and lightening up, what will this world come to? People might actually start laughing, and we don't want that, now do we? It's much better for nobody to have any sense of humor at all. That'll solve all the world's problems ever. I'm sure of it. Speaking of things I'm sure of...

I'm sure that sugar is ruining society, and should be banned. Congress might as well just make it into a law. It would be really popular. I'm sure that all high school students get at least 10 hours of sleep a night. Homework doesn't take them that long, and if they say it does, they're liars. I'm sure I'm going to be miserable on the a'capella trip (that starts next Friday!). Too much happiness and laughter and fun. Blech. To the random kid in my math class: I'm sure that swearing excessively when your shot into the trash can misses will solve all your problems and magically make you a better shot. It'll probably cure cancer, so you better keep doing it.

Bottom line: This sarcasm thing is the worst. Ever. Nobody should be allowed to do it. Personally, I know I'll never use it. It's just a waste of language. As long as Congress is banning sugar, they should also ban sarcasm. It'll make the world a better place.

Barefoot Adventures

On Friday, being the fun, outgoing, friendly soul that I am, I hung out with some friends after school. We had a mahvelous time. By which I mean, I curled up on her couch and kinda sorta fell asleep. But then we decided, "Let's actually go have a mahvelous time! Let's do something exciting! Like go to a park!" So to a park we went.

We had had to walk quite a ways to get to my friend's house from Trax, and after this long and arduous journey, I decided to give up on shoes. I took them off as soon as we got to her house, and didn't put them back on for the rest of the day. This was great fun at the park, because it was all grassy and sandy and such. And who needs shoes when you're swinging as high as you can on a swing? No one.

Then, one of us had the cheery idea to go walk around in the cemetery conveniently located right by the park. There was even a gap in the fence that separated the two, so it was terribly easy to get into. This was when not having shoes showed itself to be a problem. You see, the cemetery has lots of pine trees. Which means lots of pine needles on the ground. Which means death to all feet! While my other friends were having a lovely time looking at graves, I was busy carefully planning where each foot would go, and saying, "Ow. Ow. Pine needles. Ow," and my voice kept suddenly shooting up two octaves. One time, I stepped on one, and when I sat down and looked two minutes later, it was still stuck in my foot. I hate pine needles. I really, really hate them.

At the cemetery, we saw a lot of prophet's graves. My favorite was John Taylor's, with a list of all his wives. Turns out two of the women he married were twins. The depressing ones were the baby graves, with birth and death dates on the same day. I also decided that I want violets to grow on my grave when I'm dead, because some of them had ten million violets growing on them, and it was wonderful.

I somehow survived my ordeal in the cemetery, and got back home, where I realized I had tree sap not only all over my foot, but also all over my hand. Then I was painting my nails, and had a minor spaz attack, and dropped the little brush thing. As I was frantically trying to mop it all up while it was wet, it got all over my hand. Add that to the tree sap, and I looked like I had some strange skin disease. It was great.

Sunshine, Blueberries, and Music

Yesterday was awesome. I loved it. Even though it involved ten million hours of cleaning.

I got my sister hooked on Ingrid Michaelson (aka one of my favorite singers on the whole world.)

I had homemade blueberry waffles for dinner.

I used a rabid vacuum that ran over my toes more times than I can accurately count.

I learned how to clean a bathroom. (You may be saying that I should have learned that long ago, but I didn't. But now I know how, so I'm no longer useless!)

Also, I got a bunch of new music for my iPod. Hooray! I'm pretty sure that I would die without music in my life.

It's OK if you think this is the dumbest post in the history of ever. But I felt like a) I needed to blog something, because it's been a while, and b) like I should share my happiness with everyone out there. Because a lot of the time I ignore the awesome little things like blueberry waffles, even though they make my life a sunnier place. So here's to sunshine, blueberries, and music.

"I'm a Bad Troll, a Very Bad Troll"

Priscilla and Wilson had a great marriage. They were as grumpily married as any 2 love trolls could ever hope to be. If love trolls ever did something as wimpy as hope, that is. However, they could aspire. Being love trolls, they could at least do that. A regular troll would never be caught dead aspiring. They made it a habit of not aspiring, not hoping, and definitely not loving! They could eat goats crossing their bridge, though. One troll in particular was quite aggressive about his trolling and goat-eating. His name was Giuseppe, and he was half Italian, half Welsh. This made for quite a fiery temper, which showed itself in his trolling.

Priscilla and Wilson, though they'd never admit it to the other trolls, were...happy. Of course, they could never tell anyone this, because once trolls start getting happy, who knows what sort of dangerous thing they'll do next. Probably something awful like skipping down yellow brick roads and singing about the bricks. As if they couldn't have much better time sulking under a bridge. So, they kept it a secret. And even though they might secretly hum about some woodwork on occasion, they'd never get to the point of singing about bricks! After all, they were trolls, and trolls have standards. They pretended like everything was perfectly normal, and ignored this disturbing new development in their life. They were good at ignoring things. It's something every young troll learns in kindergarten, in Trolling 101. To be an effective troll, one must be able to ignore all things that do not fit in with one's itinerary of making others miserable. Or, at the very least, making them slightly disgruntled.

Giuseppe was GREAT at making others slightly disgruntled. His mission in life was making sure others were happy. Then doing something like kidnap their cat and hold it for ransom. Every day, to make sure he was in the right mood for trolling (grumpy) he thought about all the tragic things in the world: spoons dropped behind stoves, biting into dark chocolate when you're expecting milk, pens running out of ink. These things inspired him to go out and make the world a worse place. One day, as he was moping under his bridge, he heard a clatter above him. He raced up, hoping for a goat. And there was one, a great big fat one! Already being chased by two other trolls. Giuseppe joined in. Unfortunately, they didn't catch it. This was unheard of! Three trolls working together, and still they didn't catch the goat! That was what Priscilla and Wilson were thinking. Giuseppe was thinking, "This is unheard of! Three trolls, working together! And what were those two doing together in the first place? Were they, could they possibly be...love trolls? Oh the horror!" As he was lost in his thoughts, trying to think of a way to save his reputation, Priscilla started absentmindedly humming about the woodwork. This shocked Giuseppe out of his reverie, and he realized that these trolls needed serious help. He took it upon himself to make them into proper, upstanding citizens of the troll community. That is to say, he took it upon himself to make them low-down, dirty cheaters.

Giuseppe thought his mission was coming along quite swimmingly. He thought this meant it was drowning and flailing around desperately for life. Because really, it was going along awfully! Priscilla and Wilson seemed terribly determined to remain in love. Ugh. Giuseppe thought love was icky. Or that's what he would have thought, if the word "icky" had ever entered into his vocabulary. Priscilla and Wilson were so in love, they didn't even notice how terribly disgruntled they were making Giuseppe. One day, though, Giuseppe realized how disgruntled they were making him, and thought that maybe they had a chance at becoming real trolls! They were great at this whole disgruntling thing! He was so happy about his success, that he threw a huge party. Priscilla and Wilson thought this was slightly out of character for him, but didn't mention it.

At the party, Giuseppe had... dare I say it? Fun. Priscilla and Wilson were starting to rub off on him. However, it was a secret he hid very well. Most of the time, he continued being his usual, bad-troll self. But sometimes, when no one else was around, he caught himself doing awful things like smiling. It took him quite a while to come to grips with his new self. The acceptance process involved quite a lot of root beer, because that's about as strong a drink as trolls can handle.

In the end, Giuseppe ended up being mellowed, just a little bit. He still hated the world, but now there were a few exceptions to the rule. Some trolls who he didn't hate quite as much. Not that he'd ever admit it. As for Priscilla and Wilson, well, they went over to the bad side. Or rather, the happy side. They ended up skipping down a yellow brick road and singing about the bricks, and were never heard of again. There are some rumors of a mystical wizard appearing in a mystical land just about the time that it's estimated they would have gotten there, but that's a whole other story.

Mood Cubes

A couple weeks ago in history we learned about some guy whose name escapes me. I do remember that he was a reformer of some sort, and he would dress up every day and wait in his study for visitors to come talk to him about his wonderful ideas. They never came, but he never stopped dressing up and hoping that maybe someone would finally come. He sat in his study, alone, just waiting and hoping that this would be the day.

He also came up with an idea for workers. They would have little cubes by their workplaces, and when they were happy they would turn the cube to yellow, and when they were sad they would turn the cube to whatever the sad color was. This way the supervisor could look out over the mass of workers, and by the colors could see whether this would be a happy, productive, awesome day, or a terrible, glum, unproductive day.

Well, today in history, whilst taking an oral quiz, I got bored in between questions, and decided to make my very own happy-sad cube! But new and improved! For one thing, it has 6 emotions, all with different colors attached. Also, each color is labeled with the corresponding emotion, and also with a little smiley face (or angry face or sad face or excited face, etc) to illustrate what this emotion is. And, as long as I was making improvements, I gave it power to travel through space and time. And it can call people on the phone. And can find the cure for cancer. OK not really. And hey, as long as we're talking about its shortcomings, can't forget the most important one. Instead of being a cube, it's actually completely flat, and merely drawn on paper. I feel like such a failure!

But! I have a plan. A wonderful plan. I'm going to make little foam Mood Cubes, and I'll sell them on the black market! And the purple market! And even the orange market! Anyways, these really will be cubes, and everyone will buy them and I'll get rich. Until then, I'll be dressed up in Sunday best, waiting in the study for possible investors to come a'visitin'

Happy Valentines Day!

Or as I like to call it, Happy It's-high-school-and-everyone-is-awkward-and-then-they-get-in-relationships-and-are-really-awkward Day!

In elementary school, Valentines Day was such a big deal. We got to make boxes for the cards, and then we made awesome valentines cards for everyone in the class, and we got tons of candy and had a huge party that all the class moms put on, and it was just great!

Cut to middle school. Valentines Day is pretty much ignored by everyone, and all you can do for it is wear a red shirt or something to be festive.

Then in high school it's big again. You can buy bags of candy to send to people. You can buy carnations to send to people. Awkward couples get each other teddy bears and stuff. Friends get candy for their friends. And I hate it.

Yes, friends, I am a Valentines troll. Haha, Some may even call me a love troll :) . But really, it's so dumb. The whole point is for marketers to make money. People say it's a day to express love, but you can do that any time you feel like it! Did you know that every year, $13 million is spent on chocolate for Valentines Day? And $7 million is spent on other candy for Valentines Day. That's $20 million, and that's ridiculous!

OK, I make it sound like I object to the commercialism. Really that's not the problem. Really it's the awkwardness. I think it's a dumb holiday full of awkwardness, because everyone is all sickeningly in love, but it's high school, so you know it's not really love, and it makes everyone around them feel uncomfortable.

So today I was going through my usual routine, lalala, and then I get home from school. There are plumbers here installing a new water heater, so all the water in the whole house is off. If this is the last you ever hear of me, just know that I died of thirst.

I think from now on I'll call it Happy Dying-of-thirst Day. It has a nice ring.

Holy Cheesy, Batman!

Robin: "Boy! That was our closest call ever! I have to admit that I was pretty scared!"
Batman: "I wasn't scared in the least."
Robin: "Not at all?"
Batman: "Haven't you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?"
Robin: "Yeah, because we're smarter than they are!"
Batman: "I like to think it's because our hearts are pure."

Robin: "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!"
Batman: "True. You owe your life to dental hygiene."

Bruce: "Don't dip your oar in this sordid sea, Dick. You might be besmirched."

Robin: "Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"
Batman: "The true crime-fighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."

Batman: "Man-eating lilacs have no teeth, Robin. It's a process of ingestion through their tentacles."

Batman: "Go back outside and calm the flower children."
Robin: "They'll mob me!"
Batman: "Groovy."

Batman: "With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crime-fighter."

Robin: "Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives!"
Batman: "Rules are rules, Robin. But you do have a point."

Batman to Robin: "That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum."

Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, yes. I'll get these darn verbs if they kill me!"

Batman to Robin: "Stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here!"

Dick: "Now whenever I eat mashed potatoes, I, for one, will think of the Incas."

Batman to Robin: "All they've done so far is stolen a few items, attempted to kill you, me, and Batgirl. No, I think they plan something really big."

Poison Ivy: "I must confess, the combination of heroic derring-do and the anatomically correct rubber suit puts fire in a girl's lips."
Batman: "Why are all the gorgeous ones homicidal maniacs? Is it me?"

Wrong Car

On Sunday there was a seminary fireside. Afterward, we were walking out to the parking lot, and saw a bunch of hyper 13 and 14 year old girls milling around by our car. My parents remote control unlocked the car, and the girls opened up the doors and started climbing in. All of them were getting in except one girl who said, "You guys, I can guarantee this is not our car!" We were all yelling, "Wrong car!" at them too, so they finally realized and got out, all embarrassed. We were laughing at them, and they were laughing too. We were walking over to our car then, and they climbed in another minivan, next to ours. We were thinking that it was understandable that they had mixed them up, because it was dark and hard to see the color, and they were both minivans, parked next to each other. All the girls climbed in this other car, and then we see the parents on the other side of the parking lot, yelling, "That's still not our car!" They had all gotten into the wrong van, two times in a row.
And this is why I'm glad I'm not 13 anymore, hahaha

Return of Chuckles

It would appear that there is a plethora of creepy clowns out there in the world, as evidenced by this.

Oh, and just for the record, I don't actually think clowns are that creepy, but this seemed like as good a post as any, especially because I haven't written one in forever. Enjoy!