"I'm a Bad Troll, a Very Bad Troll"

Priscilla and Wilson had a great marriage. They were as grumpily married as any 2 love trolls could ever hope to be. If love trolls ever did something as wimpy as hope, that is. However, they could aspire. Being love trolls, they could at least do that. A regular troll would never be caught dead aspiring. They made it a habit of not aspiring, not hoping, and definitely not loving! They could eat goats crossing their bridge, though. One troll in particular was quite aggressive about his trolling and goat-eating. His name was Giuseppe, and he was half Italian, half Welsh. This made for quite a fiery temper, which showed itself in his trolling.

Priscilla and Wilson, though they'd never admit it to the other trolls, were...happy. Of course, they could never tell anyone this, because once trolls start getting happy, who knows what sort of dangerous thing they'll do next. Probably something awful like skipping down yellow brick roads and singing about the bricks. As if they couldn't have much better time sulking under a bridge. So, they kept it a secret. And even though they might secretly hum about some woodwork on occasion, they'd never get to the point of singing about bricks! After all, they were trolls, and trolls have standards. They pretended like everything was perfectly normal, and ignored this disturbing new development in their life. They were good at ignoring things. It's something every young troll learns in kindergarten, in Trolling 101. To be an effective troll, one must be able to ignore all things that do not fit in with one's itinerary of making others miserable. Or, at the very least, making them slightly disgruntled.

Giuseppe was GREAT at making others slightly disgruntled. His mission in life was making sure others were happy. Then doing something like kidnap their cat and hold it for ransom. Every day, to make sure he was in the right mood for trolling (grumpy) he thought about all the tragic things in the world: spoons dropped behind stoves, biting into dark chocolate when you're expecting milk, pens running out of ink. These things inspired him to go out and make the world a worse place. One day, as he was moping under his bridge, he heard a clatter above him. He raced up, hoping for a goat. And there was one, a great big fat one! Already being chased by two other trolls. Giuseppe joined in. Unfortunately, they didn't catch it. This was unheard of! Three trolls working together, and still they didn't catch the goat! That was what Priscilla and Wilson were thinking. Giuseppe was thinking, "This is unheard of! Three trolls, working together! And what were those two doing together in the first place? Were they, could they possibly be...love trolls? Oh the horror!" As he was lost in his thoughts, trying to think of a way to save his reputation, Priscilla started absentmindedly humming about the woodwork. This shocked Giuseppe out of his reverie, and he realized that these trolls needed serious help. He took it upon himself to make them into proper, upstanding citizens of the troll community. That is to say, he took it upon himself to make them low-down, dirty cheaters.

Giuseppe thought his mission was coming along quite swimmingly. He thought this meant it was drowning and flailing around desperately for life. Because really, it was going along awfully! Priscilla and Wilson seemed terribly determined to remain in love. Ugh. Giuseppe thought love was icky. Or that's what he would have thought, if the word "icky" had ever entered into his vocabulary. Priscilla and Wilson were so in love, they didn't even notice how terribly disgruntled they were making Giuseppe. One day, though, Giuseppe realized how disgruntled they were making him, and thought that maybe they had a chance at becoming real trolls! They were great at this whole disgruntling thing! He was so happy about his success, that he threw a huge party. Priscilla and Wilson thought this was slightly out of character for him, but didn't mention it.

At the party, Giuseppe had... dare I say it? Fun. Priscilla and Wilson were starting to rub off on him. However, it was a secret he hid very well. Most of the time, he continued being his usual, bad-troll self. But sometimes, when no one else was around, he caught himself doing awful things like smiling. It took him quite a while to come to grips with his new self. The acceptance process involved quite a lot of root beer, because that's about as strong a drink as trolls can handle.

In the end, Giuseppe ended up being mellowed, just a little bit. He still hated the world, but now there were a few exceptions to the rule. Some trolls who he didn't hate quite as much. Not that he'd ever admit it. As for Priscilla and Wilson, well, they went over to the bad side. Or rather, the happy side. They ended up skipping down a yellow brick road and singing about the bricks, and were never heard of again. There are some rumors of a mystical wizard appearing in a mystical land just about the time that it's estimated they would have gotten there, but that's a whole other story.