Sunshine, Blueberries, and Music

Yesterday was awesome. I loved it. Even though it involved ten million hours of cleaning.

I got my sister hooked on Ingrid Michaelson (aka one of my favorite singers on the whole world.)

I had homemade blueberry waffles for dinner.

I used a rabid vacuum that ran over my toes more times than I can accurately count.

I learned how to clean a bathroom. (You may be saying that I should have learned that long ago, but I didn't. But now I know how, so I'm no longer useless!)

Also, I got a bunch of new music for my iPod. Hooray! I'm pretty sure that I would die without music in my life.

It's OK if you think this is the dumbest post in the history of ever. But I felt like a) I needed to blog something, because it's been a while, and b) like I should share my happiness with everyone out there. Because a lot of the time I ignore the awesome little things like blueberry waffles, even though they make my life a sunnier place. So here's to sunshine, blueberries, and music.

"I'm a Bad Troll, a Very Bad Troll"

Priscilla and Wilson had a great marriage. They were as grumpily married as any 2 love trolls could ever hope to be. If love trolls ever did something as wimpy as hope, that is. However, they could aspire. Being love trolls, they could at least do that. A regular troll would never be caught dead aspiring. They made it a habit of not aspiring, not hoping, and definitely not loving! They could eat goats crossing their bridge, though. One troll in particular was quite aggressive about his trolling and goat-eating. His name was Giuseppe, and he was half Italian, half Welsh. This made for quite a fiery temper, which showed itself in his trolling.

Priscilla and Wilson, though they'd never admit it to the other trolls, were...happy. Of course, they could never tell anyone this, because once trolls start getting happy, who knows what sort of dangerous thing they'll do next. Probably something awful like skipping down yellow brick roads and singing about the bricks. As if they couldn't have much better time sulking under a bridge. So, they kept it a secret. And even though they might secretly hum about some woodwork on occasion, they'd never get to the point of singing about bricks! After all, they were trolls, and trolls have standards. They pretended like everything was perfectly normal, and ignored this disturbing new development in their life. They were good at ignoring things. It's something every young troll learns in kindergarten, in Trolling 101. To be an effective troll, one must be able to ignore all things that do not fit in with one's itinerary of making others miserable. Or, at the very least, making them slightly disgruntled.

Giuseppe was GREAT at making others slightly disgruntled. His mission in life was making sure others were happy. Then doing something like kidnap their cat and hold it for ransom. Every day, to make sure he was in the right mood for trolling (grumpy) he thought about all the tragic things in the world: spoons dropped behind stoves, biting into dark chocolate when you're expecting milk, pens running out of ink. These things inspired him to go out and make the world a worse place. One day, as he was moping under his bridge, he heard a clatter above him. He raced up, hoping for a goat. And there was one, a great big fat one! Already being chased by two other trolls. Giuseppe joined in. Unfortunately, they didn't catch it. This was unheard of! Three trolls working together, and still they didn't catch the goat! That was what Priscilla and Wilson were thinking. Giuseppe was thinking, "This is unheard of! Three trolls, working together! And what were those two doing together in the first place? Were they, could they possibly be...love trolls? Oh the horror!" As he was lost in his thoughts, trying to think of a way to save his reputation, Priscilla started absentmindedly humming about the woodwork. This shocked Giuseppe out of his reverie, and he realized that these trolls needed serious help. He took it upon himself to make them into proper, upstanding citizens of the troll community. That is to say, he took it upon himself to make them low-down, dirty cheaters.

Giuseppe thought his mission was coming along quite swimmingly. He thought this meant it was drowning and flailing around desperately for life. Because really, it was going along awfully! Priscilla and Wilson seemed terribly determined to remain in love. Ugh. Giuseppe thought love was icky. Or that's what he would have thought, if the word "icky" had ever entered into his vocabulary. Priscilla and Wilson were so in love, they didn't even notice how terribly disgruntled they were making Giuseppe. One day, though, Giuseppe realized how disgruntled they were making him, and thought that maybe they had a chance at becoming real trolls! They were great at this whole disgruntling thing! He was so happy about his success, that he threw a huge party. Priscilla and Wilson thought this was slightly out of character for him, but didn't mention it.

At the party, Giuseppe had... dare I say it? Fun. Priscilla and Wilson were starting to rub off on him. However, it was a secret he hid very well. Most of the time, he continued being his usual, bad-troll self. But sometimes, when no one else was around, he caught himself doing awful things like smiling. It took him quite a while to come to grips with his new self. The acceptance process involved quite a lot of root beer, because that's about as strong a drink as trolls can handle.

In the end, Giuseppe ended up being mellowed, just a little bit. He still hated the world, but now there were a few exceptions to the rule. Some trolls who he didn't hate quite as much. Not that he'd ever admit it. As for Priscilla and Wilson, well, they went over to the bad side. Or rather, the happy side. They ended up skipping down a yellow brick road and singing about the bricks, and were never heard of again. There are some rumors of a mystical wizard appearing in a mystical land just about the time that it's estimated they would have gotten there, but that's a whole other story.

Mood Cubes

A couple weeks ago in history we learned about some guy whose name escapes me. I do remember that he was a reformer of some sort, and he would dress up every day and wait in his study for visitors to come talk to him about his wonderful ideas. They never came, but he never stopped dressing up and hoping that maybe someone would finally come. He sat in his study, alone, just waiting and hoping that this would be the day.

He also came up with an idea for workers. They would have little cubes by their workplaces, and when they were happy they would turn the cube to yellow, and when they were sad they would turn the cube to whatever the sad color was. This way the supervisor could look out over the mass of workers, and by the colors could see whether this would be a happy, productive, awesome day, or a terrible, glum, unproductive day.

Well, today in history, whilst taking an oral quiz, I got bored in between questions, and decided to make my very own happy-sad cube! But new and improved! For one thing, it has 6 emotions, all with different colors attached. Also, each color is labeled with the corresponding emotion, and also with a little smiley face (or angry face or sad face or excited face, etc) to illustrate what this emotion is. And, as long as I was making improvements, I gave it power to travel through space and time. And it can call people on the phone. And can find the cure for cancer. OK not really. And hey, as long as we're talking about its shortcomings, can't forget the most important one. Instead of being a cube, it's actually completely flat, and merely drawn on paper. I feel like such a failure!

But! I have a plan. A wonderful plan. I'm going to make little foam Mood Cubes, and I'll sell them on the black market! And the purple market! And even the orange market! Anyways, these really will be cubes, and everyone will buy them and I'll get rich. Until then, I'll be dressed up in Sunday best, waiting in the study for possible investors to come a'visitin'

Happy Valentines Day!

Or as I like to call it, Happy It's-high-school-and-everyone-is-awkward-and-then-they-get-in-relationships-and-are-really-awkward Day!

In elementary school, Valentines Day was such a big deal. We got to make boxes for the cards, and then we made awesome valentines cards for everyone in the class, and we got tons of candy and had a huge party that all the class moms put on, and it was just great!

Cut to middle school. Valentines Day is pretty much ignored by everyone, and all you can do for it is wear a red shirt or something to be festive.

Then in high school it's big again. You can buy bags of candy to send to people. You can buy carnations to send to people. Awkward couples get each other teddy bears and stuff. Friends get candy for their friends. And I hate it.

Yes, friends, I am a Valentines troll. Haha, Some may even call me a love troll :) . But really, it's so dumb. The whole point is for marketers to make money. People say it's a day to express love, but you can do that any time you feel like it! Did you know that every year, $13 million is spent on chocolate for Valentines Day? And $7 million is spent on other candy for Valentines Day. That's $20 million, and that's ridiculous!

OK, I make it sound like I object to the commercialism. Really that's not the problem. Really it's the awkwardness. I think it's a dumb holiday full of awkwardness, because everyone is all sickeningly in love, but it's high school, so you know it's not really love, and it makes everyone around them feel uncomfortable.

So today I was going through my usual routine, lalala, and then I get home from school. There are plumbers here installing a new water heater, so all the water in the whole house is off. If this is the last you ever hear of me, just know that I died of thirst.

I think from now on I'll call it Happy Dying-of-thirst Day. It has a nice ring.

Holy Cheesy, Batman!

Robin: "Boy! That was our closest call ever! I have to admit that I was pretty scared!"
Batman: "I wasn't scared in the least."
Robin: "Not at all?"
Batman: "Haven't you noticed how we always escape the vicious ensnarements of our enemies?"
Robin: "Yeah, because we're smarter than they are!"
Batman: "I like to think it's because our hearts are pure."

Robin: "Holy molars! Am I ever glad I take good care of my teeth!"
Batman: "True. You owe your life to dental hygiene."

Bruce: "Don't dip your oar in this sordid sea, Dick. You might be besmirched."

Robin: "Where'd you get a live fish, Batman?"
Batman: "The true crime-fighter always carries everything he needs in his utility belt, Robin."

Batman: "Man-eating lilacs have no teeth, Robin. It's a process of ingestion through their tentacles."

Batman: "Go back outside and calm the flower children."
Robin: "They'll mob me!"
Batman: "Groovy."

Batman: "With my head sticking out of this neosaurus costume, I might not appear like an ordinary, run of the mill crime-fighter."

Robin: "Your good driving habits almost cost us our lives!"
Batman: "Rules are rules, Robin. But you do have a point."

Batman to Robin: "That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum."

Dick: "Gosh, Bruce, yes. I'll get these darn verbs if they kill me!"

Batman to Robin: "Stop fiddling with that atomic pile and come down here!"

Dick: "Now whenever I eat mashed potatoes, I, for one, will think of the Incas."

Batman to Robin: "All they've done so far is stolen a few items, attempted to kill you, me, and Batgirl. No, I think they plan something really big."

Poison Ivy: "I must confess, the combination of heroic derring-do and the anatomically correct rubber suit puts fire in a girl's lips."
Batman: "Why are all the gorgeous ones homicidal maniacs? Is it me?"

Wrong Car

On Sunday there was a seminary fireside. Afterward, we were walking out to the parking lot, and saw a bunch of hyper 13 and 14 year old girls milling around by our car. My parents remote control unlocked the car, and the girls opened up the doors and started climbing in. All of them were getting in except one girl who said, "You guys, I can guarantee this is not our car!" We were all yelling, "Wrong car!" at them too, so they finally realized and got out, all embarrassed. We were laughing at them, and they were laughing too. We were walking over to our car then, and they climbed in another minivan, next to ours. We were thinking that it was understandable that they had mixed them up, because it was dark and hard to see the color, and they were both minivans, parked next to each other. All the girls climbed in this other car, and then we see the parents on the other side of the parking lot, yelling, "That's still not our car!" They had all gotten into the wrong van, two times in a row.
And this is why I'm glad I'm not 13 anymore, hahaha

Return of Chuckles

It would appear that there is a plethora of creepy clowns out there in the world, as evidenced by this.

Oh, and just for the record, I don't actually think clowns are that creepy, but this seemed like as good a post as any, especially because I haven't written one in forever. Enjoy!