Something about Utah: When we ask people to high school dances, we don't do it halfway. None of that wimpy actually straight-up asking them! No, we do crazy, creative, awesome, and very very punny ways of asking.
Finding ways to ask is pretty easy. You just need to go to the grocery store late at night, when everything is funny, and pick random things off the shelves, and something is bound to come to you! Or if you want to go with something a little more coherent, you could always just try googling creative ways to ask people to dances.
But! What do you do when that awkward kid who's been stalking you from not quite afar asks you to the dance?! You can't actually GO with him! Obviously you must reject him. But how?
Well, worry no longer about how to say no. For your viewing pleasure, I present...
5 Creative Ways to Crush a Guy's Heart, Because You're Rejecting Him
1. Leave a plate of nachos on his doorstep, with a sign that says, "I'm NACHO date."
2. Give him a football, and say, "I think I'll pass on this one."
3. Leave a chair on his doorstep, with a poster that says, "I'm going to sit this one out."
4. Type up a little piece of paper that says, "Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't want to go to the dance with you," and stick it inside a balloon to give to him.
5. Give him a basket of bananas with a little sign that says, "I'd have to be bananas to go with you! No! Gross!"
As you can see, there are varying levels of sensitivity. Only for people you really despise should you use number 5. Well, if you're just a sadistic jerk, feel free to use it all you want, actually. Or I guess if you wanted to be a little nicer you could give him an umbrella and say, "Can I take a rain check on this one?"
Ladies, armed with this list, you will never have to be flustered and answer with, "Uh, I'm not going. Because...I'm anti-social!"
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Library Adventures
The other day after school I decided to swing by the library on my way home from school to pick up some books. I took Trax to get to the library, and it all went splendidly. I got the book I needed, and then was waiting outside the library, because my mom was going to pick me up on her way home from running some errands. As I was waiting, an old-ish, mostly toothless guy on an old beat-up bike came up to me and asked if I went to the university. No... "Oh, so you're out looking for work?" No... "You're in high school?! I never would have guessed! You look much older!" Oh... Then he said, "You know how sometimes you want to talk with someone, but need an opener for the conversation? That was my opener."
He then proceeded to have me read one of those trick things that say ,"How many F's are there in this sentence?" and it looks like only 3, but there are a whole bunch of "of's" in it, so there are more. I answered correctly, which led him to believe I'm an introvert, so he made me read a paragraph about introversion. I told him that actually, that paragraph didn't sound much like me at all, so he made me read a paragraph about extroversion. He asked if that sounded more like me, and I told him it did, so he gave me a bunch more handouts. The he told me, "You looked a little wary when I first approached you, but don't worry, it's the middle of the day, and there are lots of people around, so nothing bad is going to happen." Thankfully, that was when my mother called and said she was almost there, so be ready.
And that, my friends, is the story of how I got accosted by a hobo at the library. 'Twas quite the experience.
He then proceeded to have me read one of those trick things that say ,"How many F's are there in this sentence?" and it looks like only 3, but there are a whole bunch of "of's" in it, so there are more. I answered correctly, which led him to believe I'm an introvert, so he made me read a paragraph about introversion. I told him that actually, that paragraph didn't sound much like me at all, so he made me read a paragraph about extroversion. He asked if that sounded more like me, and I told him it did, so he gave me a bunch more handouts. The he told me, "You looked a little wary when I first approached you, but don't worry, it's the middle of the day, and there are lots of people around, so nothing bad is going to happen." Thankfully, that was when my mother called and said she was almost there, so be ready.
And that, my friends, is the story of how I got accosted by a hobo at the library. 'Twas quite the experience.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Lithping
Today in a'capella I decided to sing everything with a lisp. And also say everything with a lisp. And it was so much fun!
My favorite was when the teacher told us to pull out a song called Witness, (which has a ridiculous amount of s's in it). I didn't hear her telling us to pull it out, though. So, one of my friends, who was also lisping, leaned over and said, "Are you exthited to thing Witneth?"
"What?"
"Are you exthited to thing Witneth?"
"I am thinging with a lithp!"
"Not with a lithp. Witneth!"
"I AM thinging with a lithp!"
"No, Witneth!"
"I AM thinging with a lithp! What are you talking about?"
"Witneth!"
After about 5 minutes of this, I finally got it. Meanwhile, one of my other friends was laughing so hard at us that she was crying. It was great!
FYI, saying "unacceptable," with a lisp is kind of the best thing ever. Really. Try it. Not just in your head. Say it out loud. Wasn't that fun?
My favorite was when the teacher told us to pull out a song called Witness, (which has a ridiculous amount of s's in it). I didn't hear her telling us to pull it out, though. So, one of my friends, who was also lisping, leaned over and said, "Are you exthited to thing Witneth?"
"What?"
"Are you exthited to thing Witneth?"
"I am thinging with a lithp!"
"Not with a lithp. Witneth!"
"I AM thinging with a lithp!"
"No, Witneth!"
"I AM thinging with a lithp! What are you talking about?"
"Witneth!"
After about 5 minutes of this, I finally got it. Meanwhile, one of my other friends was laughing so hard at us that she was crying. It was great!
FYI, saying "unacceptable," with a lisp is kind of the best thing ever. Really. Try it. Not just in your head. Say it out loud. Wasn't that fun?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Life To-Do List
It's like a bucket list, but sounds more positive. 'Cause it's about life! And living! As opposed to kicking the bucket.
Anyways, I'm coming up with a life to-do list for me. Hopefully it'll have 100 items, or 101, or something like that. But so far I'm only to 90! And as it goes on, the items get progressively less impressive. They go from things like traveling the world, swimming with dolphins, and riding in a hot-air balloon, to things like learning to do a cartwheel, paying for something entirely in pennies, and dancing on a table. But still, they are all things I want to do!
So I beseech you, dear readers, for ideas for this list of mine. They can be awesome and impressive, or not-so-impressive but still awesome. But I'm running dry, and I still need 10 more things!
P.S. Sorry for the lame post. Mostly I just felt like I should post something, and this was the only thing I could think of.
Anyways, I'm coming up with a life to-do list for me. Hopefully it'll have 100 items, or 101, or something like that. But so far I'm only to 90! And as it goes on, the items get progressively less impressive. They go from things like traveling the world, swimming with dolphins, and riding in a hot-air balloon, to things like learning to do a cartwheel, paying for something entirely in pennies, and dancing on a table. But still, they are all things I want to do!
So I beseech you, dear readers, for ideas for this list of mine. They can be awesome and impressive, or not-so-impressive but still awesome. But I'm running dry, and I still need 10 more things!
P.S. Sorry for the lame post. Mostly I just felt like I should post something, and this was the only thing I could think of.
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