Facebook

Sometimes I can't even handle people on the internet.

We all have the facebook friends who always have the same sort of status: whiny, braggy, vaguely sad, etc. Then there's the jovial, middle-aged neighbor down the street who always comments with something sort of out of place and awkward. The only punctuation these well-meaning souls use are exclamation points and ellipses. For example, if someone were to post sad lyrics from a song as their status, they would either comment with, "Remember that your family loves you..." or, "Oh no whats wrong?!" There is no middle ground. Sometimes instead of a neighbor it might be an aunt or uncle. If this is the case, they comment on every single picture of their handsome nephew (or beautiful niece), no matter who posted it or who else is in it. Usually this is fine, but sometimes they can get a little aggressive. For example, in one of my tagged pictures of my group for a high school dance, someone commented, "Oh [niece] you're so beautiful! None of these other girls can even hold a candle to you!" I was highly offended, as I'm sure all the other girls were.

I affectionately refer to one of my facebook friends as Sad Status Kid, because all of his statuses say things like, "Does anybody want to talk?" or "Of course I should have known my good day could never last. Typical." His jolly neighbor from down the street commented on something that said, "Back to being ignored. I guess nobody wants me..." and said, "We want you! Are you free to babysit this weekend?" It was hilarious.

I guess at least now his life has a purpose. "I guess I'll go babysit, because it's not like I have any other plans for the weekend. Too bad I don't have real friends."

Payment

My best friend and I really are the best. We just had this conversation, and I thought clearly my best course of option would be posting it on the internet.

Me: What do I owe you for gas money? I probably owe you my firstborn baby for all the gas you've spent on me, but babies are expensive, so maybe that's not the best payback.

Alexa: Plus your husband might want it.

Me: Yeah, I guess. Weird, it's like giving away your babies isn't a good idea.

Alexa: Oh my gosh, that ruins so many of my life plans. I was just going to use my children as payment for everything.

Me: I can see you in 10 years at the grocery store. "Can I buy these eggs and milk?" Cashier: "That'll be $5.17."  You: "HERE HAVE THIS BABY."

Alexa: Cashier: "Ma'am, you can not pay with a baby."  Me: "No, it's fine, it's mine and everything."

Me: "Ma'am, I can't take this. Please take your child back."   You: "So you're giving me the eggs and milk for free? Is that what I'm hearing?"

Alexa: "Ma'am, I will call security."  Me: "Look, I appreciate the free milk and eggs and everything, but I really don't need any help getting to my car."

Alexa: I want to tell my kids about this one day, except then they'll be afraid I will sell them. It will keep visits to the grocery store interesting.

Aging

I am officially an 80 year old woman.

You laugh, but seriously, when did I get so old? Yesterday I mentioned Avril Lavigne, and my 13 year old cousin had no idea who I was talking about. Avril Lavigne was my world when I was 13, and now 13 year olds don't even know she ever existed! I sang Sk8ter Boi and everything, and she didn't even recognize it. She also doesn't know who Hillary Duff is, and she doesn't know anything about the Britney Spears 2007 debacle (That was a hard year for both of us Britney, I feel your pain). But holy cow, I'm starting to feel obsolete. One of these days I'll be that lady who says things like, "What's new with Justin Bieber? Isn't he hip with the times?" and all the young folks will say, "Who?"

Other evidence of my old age:

I just said, "Young folks."

I have a receding gum. Because I am an old woman.

I have knee and hip problems. Sometimes my hip pops, and it makes a really loud, deep booming noise, and it's terrifying.

My bones can tell the weather! I broke my arm in 4th grade, and it's never been a problem since then. But this past year it's started to ache a couple days before big storms. I can say, in all seriousness, "There's a storm comin'. I feel it in my bones."

Eighty, eighteen, they're practically the same, right?

Earrings

Once when I was little I got a jewelry making kit. Every little girl makes bracelets and necklaces, but this kit also had supplies for earrings; it was so exciting! Unfortunately, my ears weren't pierced and neither of my sisters had pierced ears, so it was up to my mom to wear the glorious creations I made. I made earrings all the time, and I even saved some of my favorites for myself when I got older and could wear them (Unfortunately, by now I've lost them all. Bummer). 

My sister Julia's best friend came over to our house all the time and played with us, so one time we decided to make jewelry from my kit. We made several pairs of earrings, but Beka was the only one with pierced ears, so we generously gave them all to her. She cautiously said, "I get infections from earrings unless they're a certain type of metal, I don't know if I can wear these." I said with all my unfounded 8 year old confidence, "Don't worry, these won't give you an infection." She believed me with all her 5 year old trust. 

As far as I knew, that was the end of the story, and I had completely forgotten it. But yesterday Julia and I were hanging out with Beka's family and Beka announced she was taking Julia to get her ears pierced for her 16th birthday. Then Beka's mom reminded me of that incident and filled me in on the rest of the story.

Beka wore the earrings all the time and wouldn't take them out. Of course they weren't at all the right type of metal, and they probably weren't even that clean, so they gave her an infection. Her ears were puffy and swollen and oozing pus, and the pus got into her hair, which was then nasty and crusty. It was a terrible infection, and her mom said, "Beka, take out those earrings!" Beka said, "No, Kristina said they wouldn't give me an infection, it's not these!" Beka's mom pleaded with her to take them out, but Beka trusted me and my random claims completely and said no. Finally they had to take her to a doctor who made her take out the earrings and had to put her on antibiotics.

Moral of the story: Probably no one should ever trust me. 

Traumatic Events

One time when I was a young innocent 14 year old we had a water fight for mutual. We were at our church, and the whole stake was involved. I was wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt, gleefully running around splashing people, with absolutely no idea of the horrors that were in store for me. I was wearing flip-flops at first, but they got really slippery when they were wet so I just took them off, foolishly thinking I would be fine.

I went over to the big bucket to fill up my water gun when I stepped on something that was strangely squishy. You know how when you hold water balloons you can feel all the water rolling around inside? That's how this felt, but it didn't burst like a water balloon would if you stepped on it, and it was fuzzy. I looked down and saw something dark on the ground. I took a couple seconds trying to figure out what it was when I suddenly realized it was a dead bird. GUYS. I STEPPED ON A DEAD BIRD WITH MY BARE FOOT! It was possibly the most traumatic experience of my life! There were definitely worms in it! And my bare skin had just been on it. Not even a slight brush, but a good long while with all my weight on it. Just thinking about it makes me want to cut my foot off.

I freaked out, as any rational person would do, and dumped the entire bucket of water on my foot. I then hopped into the church to find my dad in the clerk's office and make him take me home. I got home and screamed something about dead birds as I hopped through the house to the bathroom. My poor mother had no idea what was going on, but when I explained what had happened she was much more sympathetic. And then she made me mop the kitchen floor because I had hopped through it with my dirty feet.

Apparently this horrible experience wasn't traumatic enough to make me not go barefoot in public places, because a few years later I stepped on something mysterious in a park and got a foot infection. 

Memorable Moments of the Second Semester

Jumping in the Provo River with a bunch of people on a whim. Going to my very first concert! Giving blood for the first time, and then doing it again because I loved it so much. Going to Las Vegas for a weekend. Playing poker in the laundromat till 3:00 AM. Singing with angels at the funeral of a good friend. Learning that life goes on, even after the death of someone you care about. Pulling an all-nighter with my entire ward to read the Book of Mormon. Playing volleyball and basketball with a bunch of random people till 4:00 AM, and then crashing at someone else's place because I didn't want to go home to my empty apartment. Becoming an aunt and meeting my very first niece! Getting stranded at the Provo Frontrunner station for an hour because I missed the train. Finally figuring out how to successfully use public transportation. Going to General Conference with friends. Going to the Festival of Colors in Spanish Fork and having colored chalk thrown in my face. Becoming even better at procrastinating. Turning in my mission papers and waiting forever for the call to come. Pranking the guys in my ward by seran wrapping their doors. Taking random walks at 2:00 AM because I couldn't sleep. Hiking the Y in the middle of the night and seeing all the stars and city lights. Playing a game of assassin with my ward. Meeting new special needs friends who wouldn't let me stop clapping, or who insisted on getting piggy back rides all the time and clinging to me like a koala. Third-wheeling like a boss. Being proposed to by a drunk guy on the Las Vegas strip. Getting hooked on tons of TV shows. Going to my first ever Divine Comedy show. Lighting the bathtub on fire. Learning three different ways to bro-hug, and becoming a bro. Making a pizza for the guy in the creamery. Going dumpster diving. Running around outside in the freezing cold with sparklers. Lighting floating lanterns and watching them float away. Getting locked out of my apartment in the middle of the night. Getting locked into someone else's apartment in the middle of the night while we were watching a scary movie because the lock on the door broke. Going to the temple at 6 AM because we had stayed up all night anyways and decided we might as well. Hiding a plastic rat in the fridge for my roommates to find. Dying someone's hair without wearing gloves and turning my hands bright orange. Going to Denny's with huge groups of people in the middle of the night and befriending the waiters. Pulling two all-nighters in a row because I was having a laundromat party and then the next night I had to pack. Walking around campus dressed as a pirate while wearing a batman mask. Seeing our teacher with a fake British accent at the gym and freaking out. Finding a three story treehouse and having an adventure in it. Accomplishing my one academic goal of the semester and being asked to be an American Heritage TA. Never actually burning down the apartment, despite the many times we were probably close to it. Having our door defaced multiple times (with cobwebs, tinsel, and Yankees cutouts). And finally, becoming friends with so many amazing people who changed my life and made my freshman year so much better.

Even though you guys probably don't care about my long disorganized list, it makes sense to me, and each and every one of those things is a cherished memory. I'm sad to have left BYU for a while, but I really am excited to move on with my life and can't wait to go on my mission! I'm so glad I had second semester, and didn't just end after the first, because I finally actually started doing things and getting the full freshman experience! (AKA making probably really dumb decisions but loving every minute of it).

I'm a Wreck

An overview of my day: I went to bed at 5:15 AM (because reasons), then woke up at 8 to my phone alarm. I couldn't turn off my phone till I found it, stuffed inside my glasses case (which explains why my glasses wouldn't fit in it last night. That was really distressing to me at 5 AM). I fell asleep for another hour, then went to class. I somehow didn't realize it was raining till I was on the bus, so I wore sandals. All I ate till about 3 PM was a granola bar and a ridiculous amount of Easter chocolate. I fell asleep in class, then had a really hard time waking up and almost fell asleep as I was literally walking across campus.  I quoted National Treasure to my roommate (accidentally! Don't hate me!) so she pushed me off the bench we were sitting on. I went home to change into rainboots, and on the bus on the way back I fell off my seat into the aisle two times. I don't even know how that happened. We went around a curve and suddenly I was kneeling in the aisle, and of course half the ward was there to witness my shame. Then we went around another turn and I nearly fell off again but saved myself just in time, so I was really proud of myself. Right as I was saying, "Good news, I didn't fall off my chair again," I fell off again. I didn't go to the gym like I always do because I felt like I would fall asleep and get hit in the head with a weight (like the time my roommate was supposed to be spotting me but let me drop the bar on my stomach when I was trying to bench). Anyways, my day felt weirdly empty and without structure because I never went to the gym. My thirteen year old cousin told me while we were texting that I'm  "mega weird," so I've officially reached a new low. In Spanish class we listened to Taylor Swift, but in Spanish. Turns out We Are Never Getting Back Together is better when it's not in English and not sung by T-Swizzle. In Spanish the teacher also told us that our comprehensive final is on Thursday. Like in three days. I told my friend, who thought it was an April Fools joke, but it was for real. At FHE my father jokingly asked who pranked his apartment last night, then looked straight at me, because he doesn't know it actually was me (that's why I was up so late) And just barely I spent far too long laughing at really stupid youtube videos, and then my laptop fell on my face. But somehow despite all that it was a really good day! I don't really know why, but it was awesome! Maybe I was too sleep deprived all day to really understand anything that happened, but it was so good!

I feel like Rasputin in the 1997 movie Anastasia when his hand falls off and he dramatically says, "I'm a wreck!"

Eighth Grade

Some people say they put the pro in procrastinator. And I'm just sitting here thinking, "I'm pretty sure that word was invented about my life!" At least I know I can work really well under pressure, so I guess there's my silver lining?

I had two papers due today. One of them wasn't bad at all, but it meant one more thing I had to do instead of the seven page paper that counts as my midterm grade for anthropology. I started reading the 200+ page book for it on Monday and actually started writing yesterday. Today I was an unhealthy, recluse-like creature who stayed in my room all day writing and fighting against the million distractions that are so readily available on my laptop. But I finished it! It was due at 5 on campus, so I didn't even have time to read over the entire thing, but that's what college is all about, right? Doing things like going on road trips to Vegas and trying authentic chicken and waffles instead of doing homework, right? We're also allowed to rewrite the paper for full credit as long as we turn in a first draft, which is why I'm not actually worried about the state of my grade.

I felt like it was one of the worst papers I've ever written. Then I stumbled across a paper from 8th grade and now I'm feeling better about everything I've ever written since.

Some of the best lines from my 13 year old self trying to write an academic paper:
"There was a thing called Old Lights and New Lights. Old Lights were what the Puritans believed, about pre-destination, no Hell, thinking, and not much emotion...there is a Hell, and if you don't repent you will go there." Stellar stuff right here. Clearly I didn't understand the concept of old and new lights, and it looks like I listed their beliefs straight from my notes. I've got a nice judgment call in there about people's eternal salvation, and I used commas like nobody's business. Also, at the end of that paragraph I had a random sentence about women's suffrage that I'm really confused about now.
"I think that the Great Awakening kind of opened the way for the American Revolution...Before the Great Awakening they just accepted what was laid out before them."
"Here the colonists were, they had come to America to be able to have their own beliefs, and have their own ideas, but England was still trying to govern them."
"They realized that they could have opinions of their own, and that those opinions were actually pretty good."

I no longer feel bad about the paper I just turned in. This also reinforces my idea that I could never teach middle school. No offense if you're currently 13, but I think everyone is a snotty brat at that time of life. And if I had to grade 20 papers like mine for one class I think I might die.

Here's to progressing since 8th grade!

Carmody

 This Sunday my RA died. She went into acute liver failure last week, and we held a ward fast for her, and her name was on the temple prayer roll so many times, and she was prayed for every single day. We really thought she would make it, but that wasn't God's plan.

But here's the thing, she wasn't just my Resident Assistant, she was my friend. She left such a big space behind her, and even though she's happy now, and all her her health problems are gone, the people she left behind are going to miss her. People always say good things about people after they've died, but everyone said good things about Carmody when she was alive, too. She was the sort of person who it was impossible to hate, and I don't want to forget her.

She taught us how to do our cleaning checks, and let me come over to her apartment about five different times on the day of our first one to ask a million questions, and even came over to our apartment to show me how to clean the vent under the stove hood. She taught us how to scrape soap scum off the soap dish in the tub, and then complimented our shiny clean tub. She got excited about random cats outside, and stopped everything to run to the window to look at them. She once said she always had a pot of some sort of pasta on the stove. Every time I went to her apartment for a Relief Society meeting with her roommate, she was cooking with her boyfriend in the kitchen. She came over to check our smoke detectors once a month, and Chelsea would always apologize for her messy room, which wasn't even that messy. Anna and I were on building council with her, and we all made a banner for our building, and we made pipe cleaner hearts and people. We planned a hot chocolate bar, and she searched on pinterest all day for a way to make clothespin compliments to tie service into it somehow. She always played basketball on the court outside our bedroom window. One time we were walking back from some meeting, and saw some of the girls in our building stuck in their apartment because their door wouldn't work; she climbed in their window and stayed with them till they fixed the door and could get out. She held building meetings even when she didn't want to, and stuck notes about them on our doorknobs so we would be sure to see them. She conducted the music in Relief Society, and had a CTR ring that Anna once mistook for an engagement ring. I would always see her when I went out to check the mail and I called her Cahmody in an obnoxious Boston accent every time. She had the most beautiful smile that lit up her whole face and made her eyes all squinty, and she would always smile that smile and wave at me when she saw me on the bus, and talk to me in her cute raspy voice.

The last time I saw her, I was rushing to catch the shuttle for class. There was sunshine that day, and she was sitting on the grass in the sun on the side of our building. She looked sad, and I had seen on facebook that she had been sick all week. She waved, but it wasn't as happy as it usually was. I waved back, and was going to say something, but my mouth was full of the apple I was eating on the way to class. I wanted to say something to her, and ask if she was OK, but that dang apple was in the way, and I didn't want to miss the shuttle. The next day she was taken to the hospital with a nosebleed that wouldn't stop, and she died a week later. I wish I had said something better that day on the way to class, or even anything at all, but it's too late to change now. What's done is done, and I'm at peace.

Carmody was an angel on earth, and now she's an angel in heaven. Rest in peace.  

2012

This past year has been fantastic. I didn't realize till I was telling my mom reasons why I deserved a great Christmas (I promise I'm not as immature and needy as that makes me sound). But really, it was a really big year for me, and while I can't say I loved every minute of it, I can definitely say that overall it was the best year of my life so far.

I got the first stitches of my life, in a highly traumatic experience. I joined my high school track team, for reasons completely unfathomable to me, as I hate running. Many of my clothes were stolen at my high school. I started my first real job, and actually ended up liking it a lot. I graduated from high school! I made so many amazing new friends, and said goodbye to many of them. I got accepted into every college I applied to, and even ended up getting scholarships to all of them. I made the decision to go to BYU, and finished my first semester there. I moved for the first time in my life. I got lost on the streets of Provo. I realized I can get along with, and even love, two random strangers who I suddenly had to live with (my roommates, if anyone was wondering). I drank water from a mountain stream. I promptly fell into a mountain stream. I developed a strange skin irritation on my wrist that pops up when I'm stressed. I realized I can actually make pretty good food, but still mostly live on frozen foods. I decided to serve an LDS mission, and then about a week later had that moved up two years sooner. I took up knitting again, thus joining the grandma club. I skipped stones in the ocean. I went to Disneyland for 14 hours straight, and had a magical time. I found out I'm going to be an aunt. I dyed my hair for the first time. I got sick for the first time in years, and remembered why I make the worst sick person ever. I went to a Baptist church, where my group was chewed out over the pulpit by the preacher for being too boring (many "Hallelujahs" and "Amens" ensued). I also went to midnight mass at a Greek Orthodox church for Greek Easter, and High Mass for Christmas at a Catholic Cathedral. I wandered around a tiny bookstore in Seattle. I broke more toes, because apparently that's a hobby of mine or something. I learned to appreciate home so much more, along with everything that entails (good cooking, free laundry, and much more space than is in a college apartment. Also family. They're pretty cool). My friends and I were accosted by drug dealers, angry old men, polygamists, and the police in parks after midnight. I hopped into a random person's car to try late night sushi. Overall, it was fantastic, and I'm looking forward to next year as being even better!

Russian Spies: My Childhood

As a child, one of my very favorite movies was Scamper the Penguin. It's about a feisty little penguin who learns how to swim, but gets abducted by evil poachers, and him and his girlfriend get saved by a Macaroni penguin. At least, that's as well as I can remember, but I'm a little sketchy on the details. But it's a heart-wrenching story, just trust me.

Recently I was reminiscing with my roommate about movies from my childhood, because what better way to spend my time? I started talking about Scamper, and she had no idea what I was talking about, so I looked it up for her. I googled it, and lo and behold, what did I find? This was originally co-produced by  the Soviet Union and Japan in 1986, under the name Priklyucheniya pingvinenka Lolo. On one site, a friendly Russian provides us a summary: "About entertaining adventures of penguin Lolo, about the nature and fauna of Anarctica. This film is about inhabitants of Antarctica penguins, about their existence full of dangers, about adventures of penguin Lolo who being inquisitive since the birth, learns a lot of interesting about the world, the nature, and the environment." I've been inquisitive since the birth, too, and I've learned all sorts of interesting about the world and the nature. Scamper is onto something, let me tell you.

Now, let's look at a little timeline. 
1986: Scamper the Penguin co-produced by USSR and Japan.
1991: Fall of the Soviet Union.
1990's: I repeatedly watch Scamper the Penguin.

The question arises, if this was produced by the Soviet Union in the 80's, how did my parents get it and show it to me all the time in the 90's? Probably they're Russian spies named Natasha and Igor, and I've been subliminally messaged since the birth to be a communist. Probably I'm supposed to help bring back the USSR. I mean, it's the only logical explanation. So if I start suddenly showing radically socialist leanings, you know what's going on. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Bus Adventures

As a poor college student who lives far away from campus, I take a shuttle to and from classes almost every day. This is usually fine, but I think there's something about being on the bus that brings out my irritable side. Or maybe the people on it are just the worst (this seems most likely).

First of all are the people who sing along to the bus's music. Stop. In what world is it acceptable to harmonize off-key to an annoying song in an enclosed, public area? Probably none. In this same category are those who listen to their own iPod, but sing along to that. If they have the taste to be listening to their own music instead of Taylor Swift or Fun or whatever the bus has playing they're slightly better than usual bus singers, but still, no bueno. Especially because I can't even hear what they're actually listening to! So all there is is random off-key singing. Life is hard, guys, life is hard.

Secondly are people who I vaguely know, but not well enough to keep up a conversation with for the whole bus ride. There's nothing inherently wrong with these people, it's just awkward. Usually I hope we end up sitting far away or something, so all I have to do is wave and smile, and I can count it as my good deed of the day. But sometimes for some reason they come sit by me, and then after we exchange pleasantries and small talk for a while there's that awkward silence where both of us look around, because we don't really know each other well enough to keep talking. Then someone pulls out a phone and starts texting--thank goodness for modern technology!

Then there are people who shout when they talk to their friends. I understand being excited and talking louder, but not in an enclosed public area! The other day I sat down the acceptable one seat away from somebody, because there were still plenty of open spots. Little did I know the person I had sat close to would soon be joined by a friend, who would literally be yelling about cats the entire way home. Apparently this excited the original girl as well, because she soon started yelling about her grandma. Then they saw a friend halfway down the bus and started yelling to her, too. I've read Dante's Inferno, but I think he meant to put in a tenth circle of Hell where people who yell on the bus go. Because guys, this is the worst. After fifteen minutes of it, I wanted to die. Or maybe I did. I'm still not sure.

Now, when there are lots of students loading on, all the seats get taken up and people have to stand in the aisle. This is fine. Sometimes it gets extra crowded and people end up squished together, touching probably about ten other people at once. Also fine. I mean, we're friendly, right? But every once in a while there are problematic people. People who stay by the front so they can flirt with the bus driver the whole way home, forcing everyone who comes after them to crowd into the stairwell. And it's the worst thing in the world! These are 18 year old girls I'm talking about, inconveniencing everyone else and being generally obnoxious, just so they can flirt with a married man who's years older than them and driving their public transportation! I don't know why they think this is OK, but it seriously freaks me out.

But at least they're all children of God, right?

Being Responsible

I realized the other day that I've turned into the most boring person in the world. My math teacher often doesn't show up, and when he does come, he's late. Apparently it's hard to find parking. One day we were all waiting in the classroom, watching the clock, and everyone was talking about how much they wished he wouldn't come, and saying all the fun things they would do with an extra hour. My contribution to the conversation was, "I would be totally fine if he didn't come today, because I would love to clean my kitchen!" Cue the awkward silence...

Yesterday I went to bed, but I just couldn't sleep. I thought maybe some music would help, but I couldn't even figure out what I wanted to listen to! You know it's bad when you're switching between Vocal Point and the Beatles, because you can't figure out which one you want at the moment. After laying in bed for an hour, staring at nothing in particular, and not being able to sleep at all, I figured I might as well be productive, so I got back up and, you guessed it, cleaned the kitchen. Apparently that's my thing. But hey, there are worse things I could do! Just think about it.
"Last night I couldn't sleep, and apparently I'm crazy, so...
A) I cleaned the kitchen and did dishes for my roommates.
B) I found a puppy and tortured it.
C) I took pictures of myself in a bikini and put them up on various dating sites.
D) I decided to try heroin."

So even though I'm boring and grown-up now, it could always be worse. At least I was doing something productive!

On another note, I have a love-hate relationship with laundry. I love it when I have clean clothes again; it's like getting a new lease on life. And warm clothes that have just been dried are the best things in the world. Then again, I'm always afraid I'll accidentally shrink all my shirts, even though they're dryer safe, and have gone through the dryer many, many times before. Also, I think there's some sort of rule. When putting laundry in or taking it out of the washing machine, the awkwardness of the item of clothing that inevitably falls on the floor goes up directly proportionally to the attractiveness of the people walking by. Based on anecdotal evidence from myself and my roommates, this is a fact.

So anyways, this is my life nowadays. Being a responsible adult is dumb; who does that anyways? Apparently I do...

Autumn

Guys. I'm so excited for fall. Seriously. It's the most magical time of year.

Any other time of year, if you were to ask me what my favorite season is, I'd probably say something like, "Oh, I like them all. Probably whichever one I'm in." But then September starts and I remember why autumn is the greatest thing to ever happen to this world. It's so great! No joke, I have been getting through long difficult classes by thinking about how excited I am that it's almost officially fall.

I love just about everything about this season. The trees all changing color, the crunchy leaves, the chill in the air. The excuse to wear cute rainboots on rainy days. Carving pumpkins, and also eating pumpkin based foods like pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and pumpkin rolls (let's see how many times I can say "pumpkin" in one sentence, shall we?) Halloween and Thanksgiving. (And that means Christmas is right around the corner!) The weather is cold enough to wear hoodies all the time. Thunderstorms. Have I mentioned crunchy leaves? Let me mention them again, because I love them with a fiery passion. Walking through huge piles of them makes my life complete. Oh, and on a more practical note, I also love fall because we can turn off the AC and save money.

Anyways, I'm ridiculously excited every time I walk out of a class and see all the spots of red on the mountains from the beautiful fall leaves, and I just couldn't contain my excitement anymore.

Tales of Provo

OK, so you know how everyone says BYU is dating/marriage crazy? I thought surely it wouldn't be as bad as everyone said, because how could it be, right? Well, I'm here to tell you it really is that bad. On our very first day, at new student orientation, the president was giving some speech, and talked about the importance of balancing all aspects of life, whether it be academic, spiritual, or social. Then, while talking about social lives, to a group of freshman, he started lecturing us on the importance of dating! That really happened!

I think the girls here, in general, are worse than the guys. My roommates and I have actually had people ask us, "So, do you want to get married this year?" and, "Are you getting married your freshman or your sophomore year?" Those are apparently my only two choices. Teen marriage or nothing! I mean, what's the point of even getting married after you're 20? By then you're an old lady, and your biological clock just keeps on ticking. Pretty soon I'll be obsolete. I mean, I was still around when there was a whole other planet in the sky! So I'd better get married soon, before I'm too old. However, to do that I have to look fantastic every day. Apparently it's a thing here to wear heels with jeans, and my roommate thinks it's the dumbest thing ever, so one day she asked a girl why everyone was so dressed up. The girl's reply was, "Well, what if you meet your eternal companion, and he sees you in just jeans and a t-shirt?" If that's the criteria for getting married, I've got no hope.

Another thing that everybody says down here is, "And it's free, so a great date idea!" I'm keeping track of all the crazy dating/marriage things down here on my phone, so I put that in. Then I realized that quote has to be attributed to everyone, because everyone says it all the time! Apparently that's the first thing people's minds automatically jump to if they hear about something that's free.

Some of my other favorite things from this list I've been keeping are, "Not only a great way to do service and expand your social circle, but find your eternal companion as well," from the BYUSA president (also at freshman orientation), a dating game (another thing at freshman orientation), and a free magazine with pages of dating ideas and kissing tips. This magazine just showed up outside everyone's apartment one day, along with some other ads.

Because my roommates and I are the greatest people ever, we brought brownies around to a lot of people in the ward. One of these people happens to be an RM, and we ended up staying and talking to him for a while. He said it's weird being in a freshman ward (he's an RA, and that's why he's here), because everyone thinks that just because he's an RM, marriage must be the only thing on his mind. He said how obviously that isn't true, then proceeded to tell us all about his plans for taking out every single girl in the ward, how his married friends say it's great and how he wants to get married, and all about his kissing preferences. For an hour!

The other night at about midnight, I heard singing outside my apartment, in the parking lot or something. It was a bunch of guys singing Kiss the Girl from The Little Mermaid, the part about, "Look like the boy too shy, ain't gonna kiss the girl." Then they stopped singing, and pretty soon they were all cheering instead. Because nothing adds more to a romantic moment than your date's friends popping out of a bush and singing at you, then cheering as he kisses you out of peer pressure.

And that, my friends, is Provo.

(No, but really, I'm loving it here.)

Life Lessons from Chick-Fil-A

Now that my summer job has ended, I'm reflecting on my work experiences, and thought I'd share them with you.

While working at Chick-Fil-A, I learned...

• It's amazing the lengths people will go to to either show their support or disapproval of a company's political views.
• How to make a beautiful soft serve ice cream cone (This is especially impressive if you'd seen what they looked like before I had to make them all the time at work.) 
• It's incredibly useful to have a pen in your pocket at all times, especially in the fast food business.
• Actually, to be technical, it's called quick service, not fast food.
• How to tell the difference between about 12 quarts of sweet or unsweet tea, just by looking at it.
• If you're in a cow suit, people automatically assume you're male. 
• Speaking of cow suits, it is so hot in there! Holy cow! (Bahaha, no pun intended.)
• You might think drama ends just because you're out of high school, but unfortunately, it doesn't.
• How to upsell like a champion.
• Some people are just going to be jerks, no matter what you do.
• However, most people will be friendlier and more polite if you greet them with a genuine smile.
• But be careful just how genuine that smile is, because some people will be a lot friendlier than you want. 
• It's possible to rip a stitch out of your knee while playing with kids in the food court play place.
•  You can make any awkward situation a little less awkward if you offer people mints.
• What an Arnold Palmer is.
• How to balance on the top rung of a precarious ladder while using a dull box cutter. Obviously it's a good idea to do that.
• Just how attached I'd become to my coworkers. Oh my goodness, I'm going to miss them! 

Anyways, it was a great first job! I'm actually going to miss my coworkers a lot, but it's good to be moving on with my life.

College

About two weeks before going to college, this is how I feel:

Also hoping this doesn't happen:

Dentists

Dentists have an unenviable job. I mean, they get paid bucket loads of money, but they have to stick their fingers in other people's mouths all day. They have to deal with screaming kids and cranky old people. Not very many people like them, and a visit to the dentist is a pretty surefire way to ruin anyone's day.

Personally, I don't think dentists are all that bad. I mean, I get my teeth super sparkling shiny clean, and that's good, right? As long as I don't need to get a root canal or something, it's OK to go to the dentist's.

At least, that's what I think any time I'm not actually in the dentist's office.

Last week, because of an unfortunate series of events involving cars breaking down in southern Utah, I was left stranded home alone, all day every day, with nothing to do but wash dishes and clean bathrooms. No joke. That's what I did to fill my time. Then my dad informed me of a dentist appointment for the both of us the next day. He came home early from work the next day, and we drove out to the middle of nowhere, because our dentist is approximately 52 miles from our house. We had to stop at every stoplight in the entire city, but finally reached our destination. Once there, we had to sit in the waiting room, where I was glad I'd thought to bring a book, because they have books with titles like, "You and Your Teeth: An Important Relationship," and "The Berenstein Bears Learn How to Floss." Meanwhile, they played music straight from the eighties, while I was waiting for them to just clean my teeth already and get it over with, dang it! I had important stuff to do back at home! Those floors needed to be mopped, and weren't going to wait forever! OK, I actually had nothing important to do back at home, but at least I had a computer there.

It was time for my semi-annual x-rays, so they shoved that weird plastic thing into my mouth for me to bite while they draped a heavy lead jacket around me to protect me from the radiation. Every time they do this, I bite down stoically, looking straight ahead, secretly petrified that they're going to find some horrible cancerous growth in my cheek. I can just hear it now: "Something seems to have gone wrong with the x-ray. We can't see your teeth, because this large gray spot is obscuring our view. Let's try again. Oh wait, it's not our equipment, it's you! You've got cancer. They'll have to remove your entire jaw." Luckily, I managed to make it another year without having to have that conversation. Phew.

They cleaned my teeth, which I guess wasn't that bad. They used that bubble gum flavored foam I've been getting ever since I can remember. I hear tell other people get choices of flavors, like mint, but they always forget to ask me. They've stopped asking how often I floss and brush my teeth, which is good, because I hate that question. I hate having to admit that while my brushing is great, my flossing isn't as often as it should be. I still do it, but it's really hard and time consuming with a permanent retainer. Besides, they'll probably find that out soon enough for themselves, when they're up to their elbows in my plaque. (Disclaimer: I promise my teeth are actually healthy, and I haven't had a cavity in years and years, so please don't judge me too harshly for that sentence.) The whole time I was staring intently at a spot on the ceiling, because I desperately wanted to avoid that awkward moment when you accidentally make eye contact with your dentist as their face is 5 inches away from yours, and they're up to their elbows in your plaque.

I guess the overall experience was fine, but it reaffirmed my conviction to never become a dentist. Afterwards I headed home for an exciting afternoon of cleaning my room and eating what meager food was in my house after being gone for over a week.

The Greatest Romance of my Life

So lately I've been reading my old journals. The really old ones. It's left me hoping desperately that I don't still sound like that in my journal, or I might just give up writing completely. I started my first one in the middle of fifth grade, and I'm pretty sure the only point of letting a fifth grader have a journal is so they can read it later and laugh while secretly trying to pretend that episode of life never happened. Probably that's what I should do with all my journals up till the end of 10th grade, actually. Maybe even later than that.

My first ever journal entry was me rebelliously stating I was going to stay up till midnight for New Year's Eve, even though I was supposed to go to bed. I don't know what my plan for it was; maybe watch the alarm clock change from 11:59 to 12:00, feel silently triumphant because I was supposed to be asleep, then crawl into bed? But it's a moot point, because I fell asleep around 10 anyways.

After this, I have several pages, divided up into several different entries, detailing why I thought a certain boy in my class liked me, and how gross that was. I said, "This is CRAZY! Why does he have to like me? Why can't he like someone else?" Secretly, even though I wouldn't even admit it in my own journal, that meant, "I'm so glad Jonathan likes me, because I like him, too! I sure hope he likes me!"

A typical journal entry about him went like this:
"I think Jonathan likes me. Hear are all the reasons.
1. He gave me a perfectly good pencil.
2. He talks to me a lot.
3. He's really nice to me.
4. He told me his worst fear (it's getting a shot) [After that, I pretended I was afraid of shots for a while, when I've always been fine with them.]
5. Sometimes it seems like he tries to impress me.
6. He doesn't like Christina [my best friend from elementary school] but he's nice to her when I'm around.
7. He helps me with stuff.
8. Once he was talking when I came over there and he said, 'Shh, she's here' and I was the only one in the pod.
9. He's really nice to me [Apparently that was important enough to be mentioned twice.]
10. He sits in front of me and keeps turning around to talk to me.
11. Once Christina saw him staring at me.
That's reason enough for me."

Other entries mentioned him in a more sneaky manner. My code name for him was Joanna, so a few entries mention Joanna, and how I had to write a short story for homework, so I did one about Joanna. Man, was I creepy or what?

One entry says, "New Jersey is my absolute favorite place, that and Wyoming definitely and Utah and Idaho. Specially Wyoming." There are so many problems with this entry. Number one being I only liked New Jersey because Jonathan visited there often. I think his grandparents lived there or something. Number two would be that I said, "specially," instead of "especially." Another problem is, I had the worst favorite places! Idaho? Really? I liked Wyoming because my grandma lives in Teton Valley, which is gorgeous, and I always have a good time up there, so that one at least is explainable. The only reason I even mentioned Utah and Idaho was because I felt obligated to, because I live in Utah and have lots of family in Idaho. And then there's New Jersey...Yeah, remember how creepy I was?

Probably after I got over Jonathan, I decided it was too embarrassing to have written about him at all in my journal, so everything about him is crossed out, in pencil, and is still completely legible. So much for my great fifth grade romance.

Crazy Customer of the Week

Because I work in a fast food restaurant, I encounter all sorts of crazy people. Or even people who are probably pretty normal, but just don't know how to order food. Or people who are just plain creepy. Because I need to do something to entertain myself at work (other than hanging out with my super awesome coworkers) (or should I say, cow-workers! Ahaha) (Get it? It's Chick-Fil-A, and we've got cows...never mind), I choose one person each week who's extra crazy, and mentally award them ,"Crazy Customer of the Week." There have been some pretty good ones. Well, depending on how you define "good"...

There was the girl who asked for three "melkshakes," then dumped a huge pile of quarters on the counter. As soon as she did, she started laughing really loudly and obnoxiously, and continued to do so the whole time I counted them. I went and made 3 shakes, and by the time I got back, she was still laughing. She walked away with her shakes, still laughing like this was the funniest thing she's ever done.

There was the balding guy in his forties or fifties who I don't think realized I was a minor, and flirted with me the whole time. I mean, it would still be creepy even if I wasn't a minor, because I'm still way younger than him, but really? It was just awful. And he had a complicated order, so it took a while to come out, and the whole time he was waiting, he lurked right by my register, and kept interrupting other customers to say things full of innuendo and creepiness. And when I asked for a name for the order, he said, "Kristina." I explained that I needed his name, not mine, because they would call it to give him his food, and he said, "Just put Kristina. I'll know who they mean."

I'm pretty sure one of the ladies who came in the other day was higher than a kite, and she kept asking to replace a kid's meal toy with some other type of food, like more nuggets.
Customer: "Hi...uh...can I get a kid's meal? But I want to replace the toy with more nuggets."
Me: "Do you just want to get a normal meal? Those don't have toys, and they come with more nuggets."
C: "No, I need a kid's meal...Can I get fruit?"
Me: "Instead of fries? Absolutely"
C: "No, I want both...Can I get fruit instead of the toy?"
Me: "No, fruit is only a side. If you don't want the toy, you can get ice cream instead."
C: "I get ice cream too? OK, I need that. And also fruit."
Me: "So you want to get fries in the kid's meal, and extra fruit on the side? And ice cream in place of the toy."
C: "No, I don't want to get anything extra...Can I just have fruit instead of the toy?"
Finally she talked to a manager, who told her the same things I'd been saying. I don't know what she ended up getting, but hopefully she got her fruit.

Then there was this super awkward guy, who came up and started talking to me by saying, "I was sitting in the food court, looking at your menu, and also sometimes you for entertainment. So I hope you weren't creeped out."  In between slowly and ponderously giving me his order, he kept talking to me. He came in close to closing, so people were starting to sweep and mop the floor, and he literally talked for seven minutes straight about how we know the right way to clean floors, and how if he owned a restaurant the kitchen would be sparkling, and how kitchens at the U have cockroaches, and how he washes dishes for a living and it gets really old after 8 hours, but boy do we know the right way to clean, because look at that amazing mopping technique. Seven minutes! As soon as I took his order it went up on a screen with a timer, so that's an accurate time. And that turns out to be an eternity when you can't get a word in edgewise and are wondering if he's ever going to pay. There was a line, and they were all looking at him, then at me, then laughing or smiling sympathetically. I smiled back at them, because this whole situation was just ridiculous, but I think he thought I was responding to him, so it only encouraged him to keep talking for even longer. Those were possibly the worst seven minutes of my life.

Some customers just have odd ways of phrasing things. It's surprisingly common for them to say, "I need..." No, this is fast food, and I promise you, you don't need it. By all means, continue to eat here, because you're providing for my livelihood, but really, you don't need those fries and a shake. And somebody yesterday said, "I'm going to steal two water bottles," as he handed me his credit card. Obviously there was no stealing going on.

Another thing I've come to realize is there's a special voice for, "I'm reading your name off a tag, but also hitting on you." The only people who ever use my name are either parents with small children, or guys hitting on me. The difference is, "Thank you so much, Kristina. Can you tell Kristina thank you?" vs "Hey there...Kristina."