Payment

My best friend and I really are the best. We just had this conversation, and I thought clearly my best course of option would be posting it on the internet.

Me: What do I owe you for gas money? I probably owe you my firstborn baby for all the gas you've spent on me, but babies are expensive, so maybe that's not the best payback.

Alexa: Plus your husband might want it.

Me: Yeah, I guess. Weird, it's like giving away your babies isn't a good idea.

Alexa: Oh my gosh, that ruins so many of my life plans. I was just going to use my children as payment for everything.

Me: I can see you in 10 years at the grocery store. "Can I buy these eggs and milk?" Cashier: "That'll be $5.17."  You: "HERE HAVE THIS BABY."

Alexa: Cashier: "Ma'am, you can not pay with a baby."  Me: "No, it's fine, it's mine and everything."

Me: "Ma'am, I can't take this. Please take your child back."   You: "So you're giving me the eggs and milk for free? Is that what I'm hearing?"

Alexa: "Ma'am, I will call security."  Me: "Look, I appreciate the free milk and eggs and everything, but I really don't need any help getting to my car."

Alexa: I want to tell my kids about this one day, except then they'll be afraid I will sell them. It will keep visits to the grocery store interesting.