LOST

It's been requested that I blog about LOST. So that's what I'm doing. You're welcome, Sarah. In case any of you don't know, LOST is a TV show about these people on an island. And, get this, they're lost! Shocker, right? Never saw THAT one coming. Basically the island is like purgatory. But with polar bears! All the people on it have kinda messed up pasts (I'm sorry, Sarah, but it's true. Blowing your father up is messed up. So is doing heroin.) Then they all get stranded on this island and have a chance to redeem themselves or whatever. And kill polar bears! What good is redeeming yourself if you can't kill polar bears while you're at it? I mean, don't get me wrong here, I'm all about saving the environment (aka the polar bears), but sometimes they've just gotta take one for the team. The LOST team.

So anyways, after these people have a great time shooting down rampaging polar bears in the jungle and torturing people for asthma inhalers, they find some other people on the island. No, not the other people they tortured, altogether different people. Anyways, one of these "others," as they're so originally called, kidnaps poor pregnant Claire and her boyfriend Charlie. At least, he wants to be her boyfriend, but she's kinda got trust issues from the last loser who dumped her. So yeah, they get kidnapped, then the others get rid of Charlie by hanging him from a vine, but he doesn't actually die. Jack (the hero) brings him back to life. And that's as far as I've gotten. So don't tell me what happens next! Actually, saying that is sorta pointless, because Sarah's already told me everything that happens, and made me watch like 5 million "LOST explained in 5 minutes" things on youtube.

So that's LOST. It's super amazing, and I love it kind of a lot. It's pretty much fantabulous. I'm so hooked on it.

Thoughts and Tittles

Yeah, that title is me stealing/combining Camilla and Rachel's blog titles. Stealing people's blog titles seems to be what I'm best at.

Anyhoo. My life. Yeah, it's going. Yesterday I learned the hard way that it really hurts if you fall and hit your head really hard on your shoulder. But it's starting to do better! Now it only hurts if I turn my head at a certain angle. The problem is, the other side of my neck is all sore, because yesterday I had to sleep at this awkward angle so as not to hurt my head more. But it's not a concussion! Yay?

In other news, it also really hurts to hold a piping hot roll straight from the oven. Of course, the point is, I just got a piping hot roll straight from the oven. I love food. I think this will cause me to be tragically obese quite soon.

I've decided I really need orange Converse. Yesterday when I told my dad that I think I'll die without them, he said, "What color flowers do you want for your funeral?" I'm thinking bright orange, in memory of the Converse I never got. So in case I never get the chance to see any of you again, because I've wasted away and died because of this sad lack in my life, goodbye. It was nice knowing you all. Unless I don't know you. In which case, why are you reading my blog? Creeper.

Big Bertha the Bruise (Imposter Version)

Sometime in the middle of summer, Camilla got a large bruise on her knee and named it Bertha. I now have my own Big Bertha the Bruise. I got her at the pre-dance activity yesterday.

For this awesome activity, we played with Play-Doh, made homemade pizza, and also homemade ice cream! We then ate our homemade concoctions. For the ice cream we made it in one of those ball things that you throw around till the ice cream gets hard. As we were throwing it, each person it got thrown to had to add a word or phrase to a story. We came up with some pretty awesome stories about evil pussycats and evil green monkeys. Anyways, that is not the point. The point is, cream and sugar is really heavy. And when the ball got thrown to me one time I accidentally hit my knee with it. No worries, it only crippled me momentarily (10 minutes) before I manned up and dealt with it. Now I have my own Big Bertha the Bruise on my knee. After this, I was jumping on McKean's trampoline. It wasn't bouncy enough with just me on it, so McKean came and jumped with me. Then he was stealing my bounce, and that threw my rhythm off, so I fell and crippled my other knee. It doesn't have an impressive bruise, because instead it's something internal. So I still can't straighten my knee all the way. But that's OK. Knees are overrated anyways. After eating our hard earned concoctions, we were going to watch Princess Bride, but we didn't have enough time. So instead we did random stuff like sing Beatles' songs.

After our awesomly awesome pre-dance activity (have I mentioned it was awesome?) the dudes stayed at McKean's house to get ready, and the girls went to somebody's house to get ready. May I say we all looked stunningly beautiful? All of our dresses were red, which wasn't planned, but it just happened like that. We also all had curly hair. And flowers in our hair. And, biggest shocker of all, we all were going to Homecoming! Who would've ever guessed? Basically we're all like the same person. After we were ready the guys came over to pick us up and give us our corsages and stuff (or in my case, a bouquet), and we gave them their boutonnieres. And I was so proud of myself, because I didn't even stab Isaac (my date) when I pinned it on or anything! Oh, and how's this for awesomly awesome, he wore a TUX! That made me so happy! He borrowed his brother's or something like that.

After this exchange of flowers, we went to the dance and had an awesome time there. It was sooo so hot, though! I was dying! Then we had to drop people off at their houses, but first we got Frostee's and ate them in a random park. It was kind of a sketchy area, but nobody accosted us, so it's all good! And did I say it was hot? Yeah, that was at the dance. It was freezing outside. Then I accidentally broke my curfew because we were halfway across town dropping one of the other girls off. So we had to hurry and take me home. Then as Isaac and I were awkwardly standing on my porch as I was searching for my keys, the people in the car apparently were making comments about how boring we were, because I was just searching through my bag, and he was just leaning against the railing. See how wholesome we are? At least I had a good report for my uncle Todd! And if you don't know the story behind that, remind me to tell you sometime.

So yeah, that was Homecoming. Even though I got many battle wounds (crippling both knees, a burned ear from the curling iron, and a random bruise on my arm) it was way fun!

By Popular Request

It has been requested that I do a blog about my recent date. Actually, it wasn't all that recent, and I've told everybody who cares about it already anyways. So this blog will not be about that date. Sorry to disappoint. But, so the title isn't totally useless, I shall instead proceed to write about how I got asked to Homecoming this past week. (Even though it actually isn't by popular request, but whatever. Same diff.) Apparently last Friday while I was in Vegas for some wedding or something like that, I got asked. The person asking me came up with this creative plan, and drove over to my house, put it on my doorstep, rang the doorbell, then ran away and waited. And waited. And then finally remembered I was out of town. Bummer.

The following Monday after play practice I was standing around talking with a bunch of people, all of whom were in on the plan to ask me. They were all talking about it, but I had no idea what they were talking about, and so was incredibly confused. I told them they either had to stop talking about it or tell me what it was about, but they did neither. I was all freaking out about it till finally one of the boys, named Isaac, pulled me over and said, "So you haven't been asked to Homecoming yet, have you? Yeah, I'm gonna ask you. And I'm just telling you this because I don't know when I'll have time to go to your house again and drop it off, and I want you to have some more notice than 2 days before the dance or something." He then explained how he had already tried that weekend. He also said it was terribly punny, emphasis on the terrible.

Then 2 days ago, Thursday, I was blissfully sitting at home on the compute studying for an AP Euro test when the doorbell rang. I had this strange feeling it would be the thing for Homecoming. It was. It's a poster that says, " I would [then there was a jar of pickle relish taped on that's label said RELISH] going to the dance with you!" So it translates to, "I would relish going to the dance with you!" Then at the bottom there was a Kit Kat taped on, and in little tiny letters it said, "Have a Kit Kat." All righty then. Even though I got gross pickle relish, I also got a delicious Kit Kat! Oh, and I got asked to the dance, so I guess it all evens out.

Oh, I also told this riveting story for TV West. It's a show they do every week at West. I was sitting at lunch yesterday with my friends, eating food (shocker, I know), when some TV West people came by and asked if any of us were going to Homecoming. My hand shot up in the air, and they asked me if I'd mind sharing how I got asked on TV West. so I did. That'll show Isaac for being punny and giving me pickle relish! Mwahaha!

When I told my mom who had asked me and said that she'd met him before, because he was on our epic group date (which was frisbee golfing, just FYI) that met at our house, her 1st reaction was, "Oh, is he that short boy?" Nice tact, Mom, nice tact. He's not all that short! Yeah, I'm taller than him, but she doesn't need to make me feel so self conscious about it! Haha, so yeah, that's the awesome story of how I got asked to Homecoming

PS: John, being the suave, debonair charmer that he is, helped me to come up with a witty reply. I'll post it later in a comment after I've actually done it. Be excited!

Awards

So Jonathan got a super cool award recently for best potluck inspector. I, on the other hand, got a super cool award for best message giver. I gave Josh the message to call Jonathan to practice German, so Jonathan sent me a certificate for best message giver. See how awesome it is? And I actually don't have all that much more to say on this subject. I promised Jonathan I would write a blog on it, though.

Speaking of awards I have recently received, my cousin Sarah said I get a trophy for best cousin ever. I haven't gotten it yet. I worked so hard for it though! I had to look up all this stuff in my AP European history textbook, and it wasn't even stuff you could find in the index, because it was stuff like, "Come up with 5 examples of how religion dominated life during the time of the Reformation." She had forgotten her textbook at school, so I had to do it for her. Aren't I just the bestest ever? Yeah. I know I am.

My Super Exciting (but really not) Life!

Once Upon A Time there was a girl named Kristina. This girl got a cold. This cold proceeded to ruin her life. She lost her voice for a while, got it back, then got congested and gross, and then was all runny nose-y AND kept coughing. It was terrible. The End

Moral of the Story: Colds are the worst. They should all go die. They're ruining my life! For example, I just got a call asking me to sing the national anthem at the football game tomorrow, but I can't. I'd probably break out coughing or something in the middle of the song if I tried. Or, more likely, I just wouldn't be able to hit the high notes and would sound hideous. The reason they called is because in chorale they sent around some sign-up list for people who would be willing to sing it at games and stuff, because they figured if we're good enough to be in chorale we're good enough to sing at a game.

In other news of exciting stuff I got asked today, I also got asked on my first date! And I shall keep tantalizingly quiet about the rest, mwahaha! Call me if you want to hear the details. Actually, they wouldn't be very specific details, considering that I'm still not sure what we're doing, and we haven't quite figured out when it is. It's a group date, and no one can seem to agree on a time. But still, you could hear the details of how I got asked! Which actually really isn't all that exciting, but whatever. So yeah, that's my life!

Storytime!

"Once Upon A Time there lived a beautiful princess. She had pitch black hair, ruby red lips, and skin white as snow. Everyone called her Snow White because of this skin. One day her evil stepmother, the Queen, poisoned her with a poisoned apple. Snow White was sent into a deep sleep that could only be broken by True Love's Kiss. We, the 7 dwarfs, placed her in a glass tomb, so one day when Prince Charming came he would see her beauty and kiss her. He never came. His horse twisted an ankle, so he never went out troll hunting that week, so he never heard our crying, so he never went towards it, so he never chanced upon us and kissed Snow White. We put an enchantment on her tomb so that she wouldn't grow any older, but by now I doubt that a prince will ever come for her! It's been 500 years since that fateful day, and princes these days are wusses. All they do is sit around writing new laws. "Bla bla this, bla bla that. Bla bla all dwarfs must be at the maximum 3 feet 3 inches tall, or they merely classify as vertically challenged humans, bla bla bla." Government these days!"

"Wow, Grandpa, were you really one of the original 7 dwarfs?"

"Yes, I was, but fat lot of good it did me. And don't tell me to be happy that at least I had the experience; my name is Grumpy! Happiness isn't in the job description. I'm the last surviving of the original 7 dwarfs, and I'm on my deathbed! There's no hope for Snow White now. Except that stupid old quest they speak of..."

"What quest, Grandpa, what quest, what quest?"

"Calm down, Burpy! There's some supposed quest for these weird ingredients like powdered hens teeth and snake toenails, and if you find them all and combine them and force feed the princess, she'll come back to consciousness."

***

Soon after this conversation, Grumpy died. Burpy was now the only dwarf who knew of this mythical quest to to synthesize true love's kiss. Or at least the only one willing to do anything about it. He set out right away, because if he could be the one to somehow awaken Snow White, he would get fame and fortune! Well, maybe (probably) not fortune, and only fame in the dwarfing world, but hey, he would take what he could get. And maybe, just maybe, they would restart the tradition of having kings, and he would be King! That would show all those people who said he would never have any friends. Just because mining wasn't his favorite, and OK, maybe he had once or twice mistaken common cave crystals for diamonds, but still! That was no excuse to say he was descended from Dopey! Young dwarfs could be so cruel sometimes! OK, old dwarfs could be cruel, too. Burpy just couldn't understand why they were all cruel to him in particular, though.

After gathering his provisions and setting out on the journey, Burpy realized he had forgotten any food. Sure, he had remembered his pick-axe, sure he had remembered a shovel, and sure he had remembered his Guidebook to Indigenous Rocks, Minerals, and Jewels, by H.C.C. Roberts, PhD, but he had forgotten food. It would be far too humiliating to go back to the dwarf colony and get some, because he had sworn he wouldn't go back till he had all the ingredients he needed. And they seemed so happy that he was going to find the important ingredients, they had even thrown a celebration in his honor! He couldn't understand what that conversation he had heard some of other dwarfs having was about, though. They had said something along the lines of, "...really stupid enough to think he'll find them? Who's he kidding? He'll probably fall down a hole and die of claustrophobia. Good riddance...Don't even think he's a real dwarf. There have been rumors that he's 3 feet 4 inches tall. That classifies as a vertically challenged human..." They must have been talking about some other dwarf going on a quest, Burpy decided. Because he totally wasn't 3'4''. Maybe 3 feet and 3 and a half inches, but that was a family secret! No one knew about that! Anyways, he certainly couldn't go back to the dwarf village to get food, so he had to go to a human village! Oh the horror!

As Burpy walked into the human village, called Wode-on-the-Wall, he got his first glimpse of a real live human. They were HUGE! And none of them were carrying pick-axes or shovels or anything of the sort! And their clothes didn't have any dirt on them or anything! These humans certainly were strange. He was walking along distractedly when he waled into two trees growing right next to each other. Holy smokes, those weren't trees, they were legs! Surely this must be a giant instead of a human! And giants eat dwarfs! Burpy started running as fast as he could in the opposite direction, but alas, to no avail. The giant caught up with him. But wait a second, weren't giants supposed to yell "Fee Fi Fo Fum" or something like that? And this creature certainly wasn't doing that. Was it, could it possibly be...a human? It was! Thank goodness. Burpy wasn't ready to die. After all, he hadn't even become king yet!

Burpy found out that the human, named Neil, was just as curious about dwarfs as he was about humans. They started talking, and Burpy found out that Neil was a carpenter. He had a big leather apron covered in sawdust, a big sandy colored beard covered in sawdust, and big leather boots covered in sawdust. It made Burpy sneeze. Despite this, he soon found himself pouring out all his insecurities and problems and everything about his quest to Neil, who seemed to exude calmness and understanding. Neil seemed interested in the quest, and decided he would help, because carpentry was a dying job, what with iron-work being all the rage nowadays, so he had nothing much better to do. His only qualification was that he had to go see this princess who he would be spending years of his life trying to save.

Burpy reluctantly took Neil to the dwarf village, and they snuck in during the dead of night, their only light coming from some of the special glowing cave slime that was to be found all around the mines. As soon as Neil saw Snow White in this eerie green glow, he fell madly in love with her, and rushed to the tomb. Burpy tried to stop him, but how was he to stop 250 pounds of pure muscle (not to mention those other pounds of fat). Neil easily lifted the glass dome off the tomb and kissed Snow White on impulse. At first nothing seemed to happen. Burpy, who had been holding his breath in anticipation, let it out and said irritably, "Well that was stupid. Nothing happened!" His speech seemed to break the spell. Snow White's eyelids fluttered. Then, miracle of miracles, she woke up!

***

Though at first disappointed that her true love was a measly carpenter, Snow White grew to love Neil. They got married and moved to a bigger village than Wode-on-the-Wall. Together they started a company manufacturing glass shoes, little knowing that one day one of their shoes would belong to a princess! But that's a different story.

As for Burpy, he never did become king. Because Snow Whiter had awakened during the middle of the night, and nobody was there to see it except for Burpy, nobody believed his story. They all wondered what had happened to Snow White, though, because she certainly wasn't in her glass tomb anymore. But it couldn't have had anything to do with Burpy. After all, he had to use a guidebook written by a human just to identify common rocks, minerals, and jewels! Obviously he couldn't have helped rescue Snow White from her deep sleep. However, he absolutely was not suited to mining, so finally, just to get rid of him, they appointed him ambassador to the humans. It was a job Burpy loved till his dying day.