I'm a Wreck

An overview of my day: I went to bed at 5:15 AM (because reasons), then woke up at 8 to my phone alarm. I couldn't turn off my phone till I found it, stuffed inside my glasses case (which explains why my glasses wouldn't fit in it last night. That was really distressing to me at 5 AM). I fell asleep for another hour, then went to class. I somehow didn't realize it was raining till I was on the bus, so I wore sandals. All I ate till about 3 PM was a granola bar and a ridiculous amount of Easter chocolate. I fell asleep in class, then had a really hard time waking up and almost fell asleep as I was literally walking across campus.  I quoted National Treasure to my roommate (accidentally! Don't hate me!) so she pushed me off the bench we were sitting on. I went home to change into rainboots, and on the bus on the way back I fell off my seat into the aisle two times. I don't even know how that happened. We went around a curve and suddenly I was kneeling in the aisle, and of course half the ward was there to witness my shame. Then we went around another turn and I nearly fell off again but saved myself just in time, so I was really proud of myself. Right as I was saying, "Good news, I didn't fall off my chair again," I fell off again. I didn't go to the gym like I always do because I felt like I would fall asleep and get hit in the head with a weight (like the time my roommate was supposed to be spotting me but let me drop the bar on my stomach when I was trying to bench). Anyways, my day felt weirdly empty and without structure because I never went to the gym. My thirteen year old cousin told me while we were texting that I'm  "mega weird," so I've officially reached a new low. In Spanish class we listened to Taylor Swift, but in Spanish. Turns out We Are Never Getting Back Together is better when it's not in English and not sung by T-Swizzle. In Spanish the teacher also told us that our comprehensive final is on Thursday. Like in three days. I told my friend, who thought it was an April Fools joke, but it was for real. At FHE my father jokingly asked who pranked his apartment last night, then looked straight at me, because he doesn't know it actually was me (that's why I was up so late) And just barely I spent far too long laughing at really stupid youtube videos, and then my laptop fell on my face. But somehow despite all that it was a really good day! I don't really know why, but it was awesome! Maybe I was too sleep deprived all day to really understand anything that happened, but it was so good!

I feel like Rasputin in the 1997 movie Anastasia when his hand falls off and he dramatically says, "I'm a wreck!"

Eighth Grade

Some people say they put the pro in procrastinator. And I'm just sitting here thinking, "I'm pretty sure that word was invented about my life!" At least I know I can work really well under pressure, so I guess there's my silver lining?

I had two papers due today. One of them wasn't bad at all, but it meant one more thing I had to do instead of the seven page paper that counts as my midterm grade for anthropology. I started reading the 200+ page book for it on Monday and actually started writing yesterday. Today I was an unhealthy, recluse-like creature who stayed in my room all day writing and fighting against the million distractions that are so readily available on my laptop. But I finished it! It was due at 5 on campus, so I didn't even have time to read over the entire thing, but that's what college is all about, right? Doing things like going on road trips to Vegas and trying authentic chicken and waffles instead of doing homework, right? We're also allowed to rewrite the paper for full credit as long as we turn in a first draft, which is why I'm not actually worried about the state of my grade.

I felt like it was one of the worst papers I've ever written. Then I stumbled across a paper from 8th grade and now I'm feeling better about everything I've ever written since.

Some of the best lines from my 13 year old self trying to write an academic paper:
"There was a thing called Old Lights and New Lights. Old Lights were what the Puritans believed, about pre-destination, no Hell, thinking, and not much emotion...there is a Hell, and if you don't repent you will go there." Stellar stuff right here. Clearly I didn't understand the concept of old and new lights, and it looks like I listed their beliefs straight from my notes. I've got a nice judgment call in there about people's eternal salvation, and I used commas like nobody's business. Also, at the end of that paragraph I had a random sentence about women's suffrage that I'm really confused about now.
"I think that the Great Awakening kind of opened the way for the American Revolution...Before the Great Awakening they just accepted what was laid out before them."
"Here the colonists were, they had come to America to be able to have their own beliefs, and have their own ideas, but England was still trying to govern them."
"They realized that they could have opinions of their own, and that those opinions were actually pretty good."

I no longer feel bad about the paper I just turned in. This also reinforces my idea that I could never teach middle school. No offense if you're currently 13, but I think everyone is a snotty brat at that time of life. And if I had to grade 20 papers like mine for one class I think I might die.

Here's to progressing since 8th grade!

Carmody

 This Sunday my RA died. She went into acute liver failure last week, and we held a ward fast for her, and her name was on the temple prayer roll so many times, and she was prayed for every single day. We really thought she would make it, but that wasn't God's plan.

But here's the thing, she wasn't just my Resident Assistant, she was my friend. She left such a big space behind her, and even though she's happy now, and all her her health problems are gone, the people she left behind are going to miss her. People always say good things about people after they've died, but everyone said good things about Carmody when she was alive, too. She was the sort of person who it was impossible to hate, and I don't want to forget her.

She taught us how to do our cleaning checks, and let me come over to her apartment about five different times on the day of our first one to ask a million questions, and even came over to our apartment to show me how to clean the vent under the stove hood. She taught us how to scrape soap scum off the soap dish in the tub, and then complimented our shiny clean tub. She got excited about random cats outside, and stopped everything to run to the window to look at them. She once said she always had a pot of some sort of pasta on the stove. Every time I went to her apartment for a Relief Society meeting with her roommate, she was cooking with her boyfriend in the kitchen. She came over to check our smoke detectors once a month, and Chelsea would always apologize for her messy room, which wasn't even that messy. Anna and I were on building council with her, and we all made a banner for our building, and we made pipe cleaner hearts and people. We planned a hot chocolate bar, and she searched on pinterest all day for a way to make clothespin compliments to tie service into it somehow. She always played basketball on the court outside our bedroom window. One time we were walking back from some meeting, and saw some of the girls in our building stuck in their apartment because their door wouldn't work; she climbed in their window and stayed with them till they fixed the door and could get out. She held building meetings even when she didn't want to, and stuck notes about them on our doorknobs so we would be sure to see them. She conducted the music in Relief Society, and had a CTR ring that Anna once mistook for an engagement ring. I would always see her when I went out to check the mail and I called her Cahmody in an obnoxious Boston accent every time. She had the most beautiful smile that lit up her whole face and made her eyes all squinty, and she would always smile that smile and wave at me when she saw me on the bus, and talk to me in her cute raspy voice.

The last time I saw her, I was rushing to catch the shuttle for class. There was sunshine that day, and she was sitting on the grass in the sun on the side of our building. She looked sad, and I had seen on facebook that she had been sick all week. She waved, but it wasn't as happy as it usually was. I waved back, and was going to say something, but my mouth was full of the apple I was eating on the way to class. I wanted to say something to her, and ask if she was OK, but that dang apple was in the way, and I didn't want to miss the shuttle. The next day she was taken to the hospital with a nosebleed that wouldn't stop, and she died a week later. I wish I had said something better that day on the way to class, or even anything at all, but it's too late to change now. What's done is done, and I'm at peace.

Carmody was an angel on earth, and now she's an angel in heaven. Rest in peace.  

2012

This past year has been fantastic. I didn't realize till I was telling my mom reasons why I deserved a great Christmas (I promise I'm not as immature and needy as that makes me sound). But really, it was a really big year for me, and while I can't say I loved every minute of it, I can definitely say that overall it was the best year of my life so far.

I got the first stitches of my life, in a highly traumatic experience. I joined my high school track team, for reasons completely unfathomable to me, as I hate running. Many of my clothes were stolen at my high school. I started my first real job, and actually ended up liking it a lot. I graduated from high school! I made so many amazing new friends, and said goodbye to many of them. I got accepted into every college I applied to, and even ended up getting scholarships to all of them. I made the decision to go to BYU, and finished my first semester there. I moved for the first time in my life. I got lost on the streets of Provo. I realized I can get along with, and even love, two random strangers who I suddenly had to live with (my roommates, if anyone was wondering). I drank water from a mountain stream. I promptly fell into a mountain stream. I developed a strange skin irritation on my wrist that pops up when I'm stressed. I realized I can actually make pretty good food, but still mostly live on frozen foods. I decided to serve an LDS mission, and then about a week later had that moved up two years sooner. I took up knitting again, thus joining the grandma club. I skipped stones in the ocean. I went to Disneyland for 14 hours straight, and had a magical time. I found out I'm going to be an aunt. I dyed my hair for the first time. I got sick for the first time in years, and remembered why I make the worst sick person ever. I went to a Baptist church, where my group was chewed out over the pulpit by the preacher for being too boring (many "Hallelujahs" and "Amens" ensued). I also went to midnight mass at a Greek Orthodox church for Greek Easter, and High Mass for Christmas at a Catholic Cathedral. I wandered around a tiny bookstore in Seattle. I broke more toes, because apparently that's a hobby of mine or something. I learned to appreciate home so much more, along with everything that entails (good cooking, free laundry, and much more space than is in a college apartment. Also family. They're pretty cool). My friends and I were accosted by drug dealers, angry old men, polygamists, and the police in parks after midnight. I hopped into a random person's car to try late night sushi. Overall, it was fantastic, and I'm looking forward to next year as being even better!

Russian Spies: My Childhood

As a child, one of my very favorite movies was Scamper the Penguin. It's about a feisty little penguin who learns how to swim, but gets abducted by evil poachers, and him and his girlfriend get saved by a Macaroni penguin. At least, that's as well as I can remember, but I'm a little sketchy on the details. But it's a heart-wrenching story, just trust me.

Recently I was reminiscing with my roommate about movies from my childhood, because what better way to spend my time? I started talking about Scamper, and she had no idea what I was talking about, so I looked it up for her. I googled it, and lo and behold, what did I find? This was originally co-produced by  the Soviet Union and Japan in 1986, under the name Priklyucheniya pingvinenka Lolo. On one site, a friendly Russian provides us a summary: "About entertaining adventures of penguin Lolo, about the nature and fauna of Anarctica. This film is about inhabitants of Antarctica penguins, about their existence full of dangers, about adventures of penguin Lolo who being inquisitive since the birth, learns a lot of interesting about the world, the nature, and the environment." I've been inquisitive since the birth, too, and I've learned all sorts of interesting about the world and the nature. Scamper is onto something, let me tell you.

Now, let's look at a little timeline. 
1986: Scamper the Penguin co-produced by USSR and Japan.
1991: Fall of the Soviet Union.
1990's: I repeatedly watch Scamper the Penguin.

The question arises, if this was produced by the Soviet Union in the 80's, how did my parents get it and show it to me all the time in the 90's? Probably they're Russian spies named Natasha and Igor, and I've been subliminally messaged since the birth to be a communist. Probably I'm supposed to help bring back the USSR. I mean, it's the only logical explanation. So if I start suddenly showing radically socialist leanings, you know what's going on. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Bus Adventures

As a poor college student who lives far away from campus, I take a shuttle to and from classes almost every day. This is usually fine, but I think there's something about being on the bus that brings out my irritable side. Or maybe the people on it are just the worst (this seems most likely).

First of all are the people who sing along to the bus's music. Stop. In what world is it acceptable to harmonize off-key to an annoying song in an enclosed, public area? Probably none. In this same category are those who listen to their own iPod, but sing along to that. If they have the taste to be listening to their own music instead of Taylor Swift or Fun or whatever the bus has playing they're slightly better than usual bus singers, but still, no bueno. Especially because I can't even hear what they're actually listening to! So all there is is random off-key singing. Life is hard, guys, life is hard.

Secondly are people who I vaguely know, but not well enough to keep up a conversation with for the whole bus ride. There's nothing inherently wrong with these people, it's just awkward. Usually I hope we end up sitting far away or something, so all I have to do is wave and smile, and I can count it as my good deed of the day. But sometimes for some reason they come sit by me, and then after we exchange pleasantries and small talk for a while there's that awkward silence where both of us look around, because we don't really know each other well enough to keep talking. Then someone pulls out a phone and starts texting--thank goodness for modern technology!

Then there are people who shout when they talk to their friends. I understand being excited and talking louder, but not in an enclosed public area! The other day I sat down the acceptable one seat away from somebody, because there were still plenty of open spots. Little did I know the person I had sat close to would soon be joined by a friend, who would literally be yelling about cats the entire way home. Apparently this excited the original girl as well, because she soon started yelling about her grandma. Then they saw a friend halfway down the bus and started yelling to her, too. I've read Dante's Inferno, but I think he meant to put in a tenth circle of Hell where people who yell on the bus go. Because guys, this is the worst. After fifteen minutes of it, I wanted to die. Or maybe I did. I'm still not sure.

Now, when there are lots of students loading on, all the seats get taken up and people have to stand in the aisle. This is fine. Sometimes it gets extra crowded and people end up squished together, touching probably about ten other people at once. Also fine. I mean, we're friendly, right? But every once in a while there are problematic people. People who stay by the front so they can flirt with the bus driver the whole way home, forcing everyone who comes after them to crowd into the stairwell. And it's the worst thing in the world! These are 18 year old girls I'm talking about, inconveniencing everyone else and being generally obnoxious, just so they can flirt with a married man who's years older than them and driving their public transportation! I don't know why they think this is OK, but it seriously freaks me out.

But at least they're all children of God, right?

Being Responsible

I realized the other day that I've turned into the most boring person in the world. My math teacher often doesn't show up, and when he does come, he's late. Apparently it's hard to find parking. One day we were all waiting in the classroom, watching the clock, and everyone was talking about how much they wished he wouldn't come, and saying all the fun things they would do with an extra hour. My contribution to the conversation was, "I would be totally fine if he didn't come today, because I would love to clean my kitchen!" Cue the awkward silence...

Yesterday I went to bed, but I just couldn't sleep. I thought maybe some music would help, but I couldn't even figure out what I wanted to listen to! You know it's bad when you're switching between Vocal Point and the Beatles, because you can't figure out which one you want at the moment. After laying in bed for an hour, staring at nothing in particular, and not being able to sleep at all, I figured I might as well be productive, so I got back up and, you guessed it, cleaned the kitchen. Apparently that's my thing. But hey, there are worse things I could do! Just think about it.
"Last night I couldn't sleep, and apparently I'm crazy, so...
A) I cleaned the kitchen and did dishes for my roommates.
B) I found a puppy and tortured it.
C) I took pictures of myself in a bikini and put them up on various dating sites.
D) I decided to try heroin."

So even though I'm boring and grown-up now, it could always be worse. At least I was doing something productive!

On another note, I have a love-hate relationship with laundry. I love it when I have clean clothes again; it's like getting a new lease on life. And warm clothes that have just been dried are the best things in the world. Then again, I'm always afraid I'll accidentally shrink all my shirts, even though they're dryer safe, and have gone through the dryer many, many times before. Also, I think there's some sort of rule. When putting laundry in or taking it out of the washing machine, the awkwardness of the item of clothing that inevitably falls on the floor goes up directly proportionally to the attractiveness of the people walking by. Based on anecdotal evidence from myself and my roommates, this is a fact.

So anyways, this is my life nowadays. Being a responsible adult is dumb; who does that anyways? Apparently I do...